In many countries, childhood obesity is a growing problem. What are the reasons for this and what can individuals and governments do to tackle the problem?

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While

Linking Words

it is

widdely

Correct your spelling

widely

known that obesity found in

children

Use synonyms

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

on the rise in many countries, others stated that there are many possibilities

such

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as lifestyles and

nutritions

Fix the agreement mistake

nutrition

show examples

that might be the case

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

resulting in

this

Linking Words

worrying issue. These

health's

Change noun form

health

show examples

concerning

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

Use synonyms

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

can be resolved and how both

individuals

Use synonyms

and the authorities step in to prevent

this

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will be discussed

further

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this

Linking Words

essay.

To begin

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with, it seems sensible for many people to believe that lifestyles and

nutritions

Correct your spelling

nutrition

show examples

are the main

culprit

Change the noun form

culprits

show examples

for

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

incidents.

This

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is possibly because

advance

Replace the word

advanced

show examples

technologies

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

slowly induced the change of lifestyles of today's people to become more inactive

as well as

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the rising popularity of foods and drinks with high fat, calories and sugar. In

this

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sense,

combination

Add an article

a combination

the combination

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of these aforementioned factors can contribute youngster to become fat more than in the past. To simply explain, gadgets like smartphones and Television attract young kids to become a potato

coauch

Correct your spelling

couch

coach

and prefer to use their time online rather than going out and

run

Wrong verb form

running

show examples

around with other kids. Poor diets like greasy fried

dishs

Correct your spelling

dishes

are more appealing to kids than boiled green vegetables that

much

Add a missing verb

are much

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more nutritious.

Moreover

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, I believe that there are several means to tackle

with

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apply

show examples

this

Linking Words

issue from both

individuals

Use synonyms

and governments seeing that

this

Linking Words

problem

Use synonyms

is manageable. In regards to

individuals

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, parents serve the main role

for acknowledge

Change preposition

of acknowledging

show examples

this

Linking Words

problem

Use synonyms

in order to resolve

this

Linking Words

appropriately.

Meal's

Change noun form

Meal

show examples

plan

Fix the agreement mistake

plans

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and

rerwarding

Correct your spelling

rewarding

after eating

healthy

Add an article

a healthy

show examples

diet can help

children

Use synonyms

to get good nutrition

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the family activity can influence

children

Use synonyms

to burn out these extra calories.

Government

Add an article

The government

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on the other hand

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, should promote

campaign

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campaigns

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on raising

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to raise

show examples

awareness of obesity in the young as a national

problem

Use synonyms

and support active physical

acitivities

Correct your spelling

activities

for them

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

like more accessibility of playgrounds in the local areas. In summary,

although

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it is undeniable that

this

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problem

Use synonyms

emerged, yet we all know that there are various variables that

influenced

Wrong verb form

influence

show examples

youngster

Fix the agreement mistake

youngsters

show examples

to become

obesed

Correct your spelling

obsessed

obese

Correct article usage

a sendentary

show examples

sendentary

Correct your spelling

sedentary

lifestyle and poor diet control, I am of the opinion that

this

Linking Words

concerning

Replace the word

concern

show examples

can alleviate with the participation from

individuals

Use synonyms

and government in order to create healthy

children

Use synonyms

society in the long-run.

kamonluck1999Wed Oct 02 2024

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language

There are several language mistakes throughout the essay, such as 'widdely' instead of 'widely,' 'are' instead of 'is,' and 'health's concerning problem.' Consider reviewing basic grammar and spelling rules.

structure

While the introduction does present the topic, it lacks clarity in some areas—terms like 'health's concerning problem' appear awkward. Focus on writing clear and concise introductory sentences.

content

Try to provide more specific examples and elaboration to support your points effectively. For instance, you could discuss public policies that have been successful in other regions or the role of education in preventing obesity.

content

The topic is addressed, and the essay attempts to cover both individual and governmental roles in addressing childhood obesity, which shows a good understanding of the task.

structure

There is a logical structure to the essay. The introduction, body, and conclusion are present. Transitional phrases are used, making the essay easier to follow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
35
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

362 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

childhood obesity
sedentary lifestyle
balanced diet
fast food
sugary snacks
physical activity
nutrition education
health campaigns
public health initiatives
government regulations
home-cooked meals
extracurricular sports
digital entertainment
sedentary behavior

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In many countries, childhood obesity is a growing problem. What are the reasons for this and what can individuals and governments do to tackle the problem?

Your opinion

In their advertising, business nowadays usually emphasizes that their products are new in some way. Why is this ? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Some believe that people today have no interest in maintaining the traditional culture of their country. Others believe that it is still important to people that we preserve a traditional way of life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Childhood obesity is becoming a problem throughout the developed world. Because of this, some people think that adverts for fast food, sweets and sugary snacks should not be allowed in schools and colleges. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

Most people are not interested in how their food has been produced. They only care about how much it costs. To what extent to you agree or disagree?