IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The prison system has not been effective at reforming criminals. A large number of convicted felons return to committing crimes soon after being released. What are the problems with the prison system and what solution can you recommend to address this issue?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days,
people
Use synonyms
's lifestyles are so varied from the past;
however
Linking Words
, unfortunately, the rate of crimes has not reduced and the prisons do not affect reforming
criminals
Use synonyms
 owing to the fact that these
people
Use synonyms
 after a little
time
Use synonyms
 that they go to society come back.
This
Linking Words
 essay discusses the
prison
Use synonyms
 problems and how we can solve
this
Linking Words
 issue. The government systems related to
crime
Use synonyms
 have several matters
such
Linking Words
 as all
people
Use synonyms
 who commit special crimes have the same jail and the
people
Use synonyms
 who commit dangerous work have interaction in their groups in communities and know the
time
Use synonyms
 that they have to spend in
prison
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, it is important that when
people
Use synonyms
 who have one room in
prison
Use synonyms
 commit one kind of
crime
Use synonyms
, they learn how they can improve themselves by learning the others' experiments and why they are in
prison
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, most of the
time
Use synonyms
 police are not able to catch the whole band of the
people
Use synonyms
 who commit the offence and the
criminals
Use synonyms
 know about the
time
Use synonyms
 that they have to be in
prison
Use synonyms
;
as a result
Linking Words
, they set the plane with their groups for commit a
crime
Use synonyms
 when they go back to home.
This
Linking Words
 question can be solved by establishing a learning system in the jail inasmuch as most
people
Use synonyms
 who are in
prison
Use synonyms
 come from the poverty area and do not have academic degrees; so they prefer to earn money from the offence;
nevertheless
Linking Words
, if the
prison
Use synonyms
 has a learning system, they will be followed the academic process and after a long
time
Use synonyms
 when they convicted felons they go to find new work
that is
Linking Words
 related to their field background or get upergrouduates diploma
instead
Linking Words
 of committing a
crime
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, authorities should have plans for their
prison
Use synonyms
 to develop
criminals
Use synonyms
' information about the environment and enhance their knowledge
instead
Linking Words
 of making a chance for
criminals
Use synonyms
 to develop their information about how they can be better at
crime
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
To improve the task response, include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. Detailed examples will make your argument more compelling and grounded.
coherence cohesion
To achieve a better score in coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph has a clear and distinct main idea that smoothly transitions into the next. Using linking words and cohesive devices will make your essay more readable.
Introduction & Conclusion Present
The essay includes an introduction and conclusion that frame the discussion well, which is crucial for a high-scoring response.
Complete Response
The essay attempts to cover both the problems and solutions related to the prison system, showing a good grasp of the task requirement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: