IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The prison system has not been effective at reforming criminals. A large number of convicted felons return to committing crimes soon after being released. What are the problems with the prison system and what solution can you recommend to address this issue?

#prison #system #criminals #felons #crimes #address
These days,
people
's lifestyles are so varied from the past;
however
, unfortunately, the rate of crimes has not reduced and the prisons do not affect reforming
criminals
 owing to the fact that these
people
 after a little
time
 that they go to society come back.
This
 essay discusses the
prison
 problems and how we can solve
this
 issue. The government systems related to
crime
 have several matters
such
 as all
people
 who commit special crimes have the same jail and the
people
 who commit dangerous work have interaction in their groups in communities and know the
time
 that they have to spend in
prison
. On the one hand, it is important that when
people
 who have one room in
prison
 commit one kind of
crime
, they learn how they can improve themselves by learning the others' experiments and why they are in
prison
.
On the other hand
, most of the
time
 police are not able to catch the whole band of the
people
 who commit the offence and the
criminals
 know about the
time
 that they have to be in
prison
;
as a result
, they set the plane with their groups for commit a
crime
 when they go back to home.
This
 question can be solved by establishing a learning system in the jail inasmuch as most
people
 who are in
prison
 come from the poverty area and do not have academic degrees; so they prefer to earn money from the offence;
nevertheless
, if the
prison
 has a learning system, they will be followed the academic process and after a long
time
 when they convicted felons they go to find new work
that is
 related to their field background or get upergrouduates diploma
instead
 of committing a
crime
.
To sum up
, authorities should have plans for their
prison
 to develop
criminals
' information about the environment and enhance their knowledge
instead
 of making a chance for
criminals
 to develop their information about how they can be better at
crime
.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task response
To improve the task response, include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. Detailed examples will make your argument more compelling and grounded.
coherence cohesion
To achieve a better score in coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph has a clear and distinct main idea that smoothly transitions into the next. Using linking words and cohesive devices will make your essay more readable.
Introduction & Conclusion Present
The essay includes an introduction and conclusion that frame the discussion well, which is crucial for a high-scoring response.
Complete Response
The essay attempts to cover both the problems and solutions related to the prison system, showing a good grasp of the task requirement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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