More and more people in developed countries are purchasing cars for the first time. What problem dose this cause? What do you think is a possible solution?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is universally acknowledged that technological development has significantly improved the world, leading to a higher standard of living. After fulfilling basic needs
such
as food and shelter, people in developed countries tend to pursue an upgraded lifestyle, with
cars
often becoming a primary choice.  Despite the convenience
cars
provide, the rapidly growing number of vehicles has raised increasing concerns.
Firstly
, driving
cars
contributes to air pollution by emitting harmful gases,
such
as carbon dioxide, which
further
degrades the environment.
Secondly
, the rise in the number of
cars
on the road leads to traffic congestion, reducing transportation efficiency, causing delays, and increasing frustration. In severe cases, traffic jams can even result in accidents.  To address these issues, government intervention is essential. Stricter regulations should be introduced to make car ownership and acquiring a driver's license more difficult. Implementing stricter qualifications and imposing more limitations on car purchases are steps worth considering.
Additionally
, phasing out vehicles that are over 20 years old can help reduce emissions.
Finally
, promoting the use of public transportation,
such
as buses and subways, is crucial in alleviating traffic congestion. In conclusion,
while
car ownership continues to rise, efforts must be made by both governments and individuals to mitigate the negative impacts of
cars
. By doing so, we can foster a flourishing yet orderly society.
Submitted by n6160978224716 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay effectively addresses the problems caused by increased car ownership and suggests several solutions, it could benefit from providing a few more specific examples or data to support some of the points made. This would enhance the argument's persuasiveness.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure and flows logically, but the transition between paragraphs could be made smoother. Consider using more transitional phrases to guide the reader between points or sections more seamlessly.
structure
The essay is well-organized, with a strong introduction, well-developed body paragraphs, and a clear conclusion. All parts work together harmoniously.
clarity
The ideas presented are clear, comprehensive, and relevant to the topic. The essay provides a complete response to both parts of the task question.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • emissions
  • greenhouse gases
  • commute
  • infrastructure
  • urban sprawl
  • reliability
  • incentivize
  • subsidies
  • mixed-use developments
  • compact city
  • sustainable
  • viability
  • stricter
  • exacerbating
  • deteriorating
  • habitat destruction
  • tax rebates
What to do next:
Look at other essays: