In the modern world, schools are no longer necessary because there is so much information available through the internet that children can study just as well at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The world is
being
more and more modern, especially the Verb problem
becoming
internet
. The internet
has a huge of available information so that
some people believe that Correct word choice
apply
children
now do not need to go to school
and can study well by themselves at home
. For me, I partly disagree with this
opinion and I will discuss my reason in this
essay.
On the one hand, studying at home
will help the children
have more ability to manage not only their knowledge but also
their time. They can study the subjects or the topics they want through many online courses on the internet
and they will be more proactive in managing their timetable. They can be
Change the verb form
also have
also
have more time for their hobby and other leisure activities such
as sports, gardening,... For example
, many families in US
and UK let their Correct article usage
the US
children
study at home
and they are very independent and have many life skills that at
Change preposition
apply
school
do not teach.
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
On the other hand
, although
there are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
many
available information on the Replace the quantifier
much
internet
, some of that are
not true and can cause misunderstanding for Change the verb form
is
the
Correct article usage
apply
children
. Studying at school
provides children
with many other skills such
as communicating, making friends, Correct word choice
and teamworking
teamworking
,... that online learning can not Correct your spelling
teamwork
response
Replace the word
respond
.
Change preposition
to.
Children
still need the help of the teachers and the
Change the word
their
school
mates and they will be more active in the school
environment instead
of sitting at home
learning t
In conclusion, I think that studying at home
provide
the comfortable and Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
the
independence for Correct article usage
apply
children
but studying at school
will help children
have a
environment to share and work with people around them.Change the article
an
Submitted by hanie.english.edu on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Ensure your thesis statement is clear and concise. For instance, simply stating 'I partly disagree' without elaboration can make it less effective. Aim to clearly outline your stance in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay to avoid small grammatical mistakes and to ensure that verb tenses and sentence structures are correct. This would help improve clarity and readability.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples to support your points. Instead of general statements, use specific instances that clearly illustrate your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Try to make the transition between paragraphs smoother by using appropriate linking words or phrases. This will make your essay flow better and improve its logical structure.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both perspectives on the topic, which reflects a balanced approach. This helps in presenting a comprehensive view.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your stance on the issue, providing a clear sense of closure to the essay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.