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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table below shows about the amount of tax collected in five countries for 4 years between 1975 and 2005 .

The table below shows about the amount of tax collected in five countries for 4 years between 1975 and 2005 .
#amount #tax #five #countries #years
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The table illustrates
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a sum of money
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 collected for 4 years between 1975 and 2005 in five
countries
Use synonyms
 .
Overall
Linking Words
 ,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 was the most expensive country
Linking Words
while
Change preposition
during
show examples
4
Correct article usage
the 4
show examples
periods .
Turkey
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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got
higher
Add an article
a higher
the higher
show examples
 mark in 1975 , but it was taken the
last
Linking Words
stage
Use synonyms
 in 2005.
Sweden
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
earned a lot of tax rather than
four
Correct article usage
the four
show examples
 other
countries
Use synonyms
 with 46
Use synonyms
persentages
Correct your spelling
percentages
percentage
,
while
Linking Words
Japan
Use synonyms
 and Korea
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 similar mark 15.1% and 15% in 1975 . USA was taken
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
stage
Use synonyms
 with 25.1 % after
these
Change the determiner
this stage
these stages
show examples
stage
Use synonyms
Turkey
Use synonyms
 was taken with 16.4 % . After
decade
Add an article
a decade
show examples
 ,
Sweden
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 was the first country with 47
Use synonyms
persentages
Correct your spelling
percentages
percentage
 which was compared to other
countries
Use synonyms
 .
Turkey
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 started to take
lower
Add an article
a lower
the lower
show examples
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 and it was
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
last
Linking Words
stage
Use synonyms
 with 15 %
while
Linking Words
 other
countries
Use synonyms
 had similar
Use synonyms
persentages
Correct your spelling
percentages
percentage
 with 25.4% in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and 27% in Korea in 1985 .
Japan
Use synonyms
 was the next to
last
Linking Words
 country with 16% in 1985. After ten years ,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 still
taken
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
stage
Use synonyms
 with 51 %
while
Linking Words
 other
countries
Use synonyms
 started to collect
gradually
Change the word
gradual
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 growth .
Japan
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 and
Turkey
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 had different 1 % with 23 % and 24 % in 1995 . The
last
Linking Words
 two
countries
Use synonyms
 had similar
Use synonyms
persentages
Correct your spelling
percentages
. In 2005 ,
Sweden
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reached
highest
Correct pronoun usage
its highest
show examples
 point with 70.1 %
while
Linking Words
Japan
Use synonyms
 was taken nearly half
point
Correct article usage
the point
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
with 32.1 % . The
last
Linking Words
 three
countries
Use synonyms
 had similar
Use synonyms
persentages
Correct your spelling
percentages
 , USA and
Turkey
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 equal
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 27.4 %
while
Linking Words
 Korea had 27.3 % .
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words countries, sweden, turkey, stage, persentages, japan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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