IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many countries have the same shops and products. Some consider it a positive development, whereas others consider it negative. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

#countries #shops #products #consider #development
A portion of
people
 believe that locating the same outlet with identical products in different countries is a beneficial strategy,
while
 some say
otherwise
.I agree with both perspectives.As
that is
 the case, I will elaborate on why it is important,
as well as
 why some
people
 oppose the company’s initiative, with evidence for each claim.
To begin
 with, some
people
 agree with
this
 approach because it may significantly boost a company’s sales.By opening shops across the continents, products displayed on the shelves could attract
people
’s attention.
This
 potential buyer will enter the outlet and
browsing
Wrong verb form
browse
show examples
 the
product
 one by one.If it fits their style,obviously they will consider
to buy
Change the verb form
buying
show examples
 it.
For instance
,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high-end brands like Chanel
displays
Correct subject-verb agreement
display
show examples
 their best-seller
product
 at the front of the boutique.Not only they could experience a face-to-face buying session in a well-decorated outlet
,
Add the word(s)
, but
show examples
the top-notch service given by the staff
also
 might be one of the
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 why
such
 brands have their own regular buyers.In short,
this
 method will grow their annual revenue.
On the contrary
, the problem with
this
 approach is that the
product
 would be sold at a higher price in the imported countries compared to the country of origin.In light of
this
,companies must pay taxes to the country’s government. Aside from that,with a
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 declining economy, the exchange rates are definitely higher
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
To illustrate, with the increasing
strenght
Correct your spelling
strength
 of
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 dollar against
Malaysian
Correct article usage
the Malaysian
show examples
 Ringgit; American-owned
brand
Fix the agreement mistake
brands
show examples
 like HM
is
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 getting expensive throughout
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 few decades.
As a result
,
citezens
Correct your spelling
citizens
 could not afford the
product
 anymore as it
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 out of their budget.
To sum up
, global expansion may cause discomfort to
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
due to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
product’s
Change noun form
product
show examples
 prices. In conclusion,
while
 some
people
 disagree with opening the same stores across the globe,
this
 method has
overall
 played a vital role in increasing a company’s sales.
Therefore
,it is evident that opening shops in each country is necessary, even if it may have some setbacks for consumers.After a thorough analysis of
this
 topic, brand owners could sell their products online to reach a wider audience.
Submitted by alisyashazzy on

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coherence cohesion
Consider improving paragraph transitions. While each paragraph is individually structured, smoother transitions could enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Expand on your examples to make your points more compelling. You can provide more detail or additional examples to illustrate your arguments better.
language
Be cautious with small grammatical errors, as there are a few instances where tenses and subject-verb agreements should be revised.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion well.
task achievement
Good use of relevant examples, which help illustrate your points effectively.
task achievement
The discussion addresses both perspectives of the topic, showing a balanced understanding.

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