IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say a person’s success in adult life is the result of the way they were brought up as a child by their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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A group of people believe that accomplishment in the elderly time is the consequence of the method that
parents
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 use for child-rearing. I subscribe to
this
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 idea that
parents
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 affect their
children
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's future owing to the fact that they influence
children
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's learning and following their goals. On the one hand, the fact
that is
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 really important is that when
parents
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 send their
children
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 to the best schools, young generations can develop in various dimensions better.
In other words
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, the institutes are the main factor that shows
children
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's futures on account of the fact that when a person studies in professional schools, their classmates come from wealthy families,and their institutes have a range of the latest equipment, they are influenced by their position and learn how they should behave with other people nicely.
On the other hand
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, when
parents
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 have good knowledge about society and the environment, they guide their kids to pursue the aims that have a range of beneficial results for them.
For example
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, knowledgeable families like to train their
children
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 to obtain an academic diploma and establish their own businesses and enhance them
instead
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 of committing crimes.
In addition
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, they send their
children
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 to several classes that improve their skills to become a professional workforce who can follow their dreams better.
To sum up
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, families have a positive influence on their
children
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's future inasmuch as they can create a situation for them to enhance their social behaviour, and talents, and how they set efficient goals and how they can be achieved by choosing the best institutes and their good classmate.

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Task Achievement
Consider strengthening your introduction by clearly stating your position and outlining the key points you will discuss in your essay. This helps the reader to understand your argument better from the outset.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly relates to the main argument. Strengthening the connection between paragraphs can improve coherence. For example, explicitly linking the points in the second paragraph back to the central idea of parental influence would create a clearer flow.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples or details to support your points. For instance, instead of stating that parents send their children to the best schools, you could mention specific skills or outcomes that result from this action, making your argument more compelling.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on refining your language for clarity. Although your ideas come through, some sentences are a bit convoluted. Strive for simpler sentence structures that convey your points more directly.
Task Achievement
You have a clear stance on the topic and communicate it effectively throughout the essay, which is essential for a strong argument.
Task Achievement
Your points about the role of schools and parental guidance are relevant and reflect an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • upbringing
  • values
  • work ethic
  • interpersonal skills
  • educational opportunities
  • prioritize
  • emotional support
  • resilience
  • confidence
  • challenges
  • individual choices
  • external factors
  • personal motivation
  • societal influences
  • obstacles
  • determination
  • hard work
What to do next:
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