IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #health #future
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It goes without saying that average
people
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's
health
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 standards lower in the
future
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 from now. An argument has been put forward that
people
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's
health
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 standards will be lower in the near
future
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 than now. In my opinion,
this
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 statement holds a valid ground. There are many reasons why I agree with the given statement.
To begin
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 with unhealthy
food
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 available in the market. The main reason for unhealthy
food
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 available in the market or street is the lack of knowledge about
health
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issues
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.
Furthermore
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, environmental pollution with different dangerous gasses these gasses are dangerous for our
health
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 that exist in the
air
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 it'll
also
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cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
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issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 in
people
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. What is more, using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medicine
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 without a doctor's precaution is the most dangerous is
people
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 are using the
medicine
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 without doctor precaution and it is
also
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causingalso
Correct your spelling
causing also
 cause
health
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issues
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 in upcoming years.
Moreover
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,
junk
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food
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,
people
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 are eating
junk
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 or fast
food
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 like burgers pizza, etc
that is
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also
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 by
health
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issue
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 for
people
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.
Furthermore
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, most
people
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 take cigarettes and other things these are
also
Linking Words
 caused by very serious there mental and physical
issues
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.
Lastly
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, that's water, Water
also
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 affects their skin and body it is a serious
issue
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.
However
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, some
people
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 might argue that
people
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's
health
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 will not improve in
future
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 they believe that
junk
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food
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 does not harm
people
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 it will not cause
health
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issues
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.
According to
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 the
people
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 do exercise and their
health
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 will be good.
In addition
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 to
this
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, They
also
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 say that
medicine
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 will recover their
health
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. In conclusion, I firmly believe that
although
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 the
air
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 is polluted it's caused a serious
issue
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 but trees will reduce the polluted
air
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.
Therefore
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 in my opinion
people
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 will be healthy in the
future
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due to
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air
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,
junk
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food
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, wrong
medicine
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, water etc.
Submitted by saifkhandik1 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure your arguments are logically structured and connected. You can use linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Try to provide specific examples for your points. This will make your argument more convincing.
task achievement
Work on the clarity of your main ideas. Some of the points are not entirely clear or comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Conclude with a clear summary of your main points or arguments. This helps strengthen the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
You have made an effort to address the task by providing reasons and potential scenarios about future health standards.
coherence cohesion
You included an introduction and a conclusion, which are key components of an essay structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
What to do next:
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