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Writing Samples /
Band 4

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people think a solution can be to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #price #foods
There is an opinion asserting that a lot can be
inferrend
Correct your spelling
inferred
 from the way people
heve
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have
 diet. These interpretations can provide us insights into
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 habits to eat and traditional foods. Some people
whould
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would
 suggest that overweight can be dropped significantly by increasing the cost of fattening foods. I,
however
 , disagree with the given statement on the basis of financial constraints and
other group
Change the wording
another group
other groups
show examples
 of people who need to have fat and put their
whight
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weight
.
Change preposition
on.
show examples
Submitted by takhtejamshid1400historikal on

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task response
Ensure that the essay addresses all parts of the task. Here, the response only partially addresses the topic and arguments. You should ideally discuss the idea of increasing food prices more thoroughly, perhaps exploring both sides of the argument.
task response
Develop your main ideas further and support them with relevant and specific examples. This helps in clarifying your perspective and makes your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing a clear introduction and conclusion. The current essay lacks a structured introduction that outlines the main ideas you will discuss. Similarly, it should conclude your perspective clearly, reaffirming your stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your arguments. Organizing your thoughts into separate paragraphs with topic sentences for each idea could enhance the flow and logic.
coherence cohesion
Consider explaining financial constraints more, and discuss why certain groups need fatty foods, to make your arguments stronger and more cohesive.
task response
You have successfully identified some key points, including the concept of financial constraints and the varying needs for dietary fat, which shows an understanding of the complexities of the issue.
task response
Your writing hints at consideration for real-world implications of policy changes, such as food price increases, which is a good start towards a comprehensive discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
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