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Band 3

Nowadays more and more older citizens who are looking for work have to compete with younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions?

#citizens #work #people #jobs
n
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In
this
 technologically advanced world,
workforce
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the workforce
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becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
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 increasingly competitive, older individuals looking for employment often find themselves in direct competition with younger people who are between 20-
35
Correct word choice
and 35
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 ages.
This
 situation raises several challenges. One essential problem is that older workers may face age-related stereotypes, with employers assuming that they are less adaptable or less proficient with modern technologies.
Furthermore
, younger candidates are often seen as more effective, as they may accept lower salaries or possess more up-to-date skills.
This
 can result in longer periods of unemployment for older workers, leading to financial problem and their mental health. I want to write one of the solutions in order to solve these issues that companies should focus on creating different age teams and recognize the value of experience that older employees bring. Offering lifelong learning opportunities and training programs can help older workers remain relevant in a rapidly changing job sphere . Especially,
government
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a government
the government
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 that
promote
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promotes
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 equal opportunities for all age groups can help reduce age discrimination. If
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 implement
this
 solution, workplaces can become more inclusive and balanced.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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task achievement
To improve task response, expand on the proposed solutions by suggesting more specific strategies or examples. For instance, explain how a mentorship program pairing older and younger employees could benefit both parties.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, add more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments. Words like "however," "on the other hand," or "conversely" could help readers understand contrasts better.
task achievement
The essay presents a relevant topic with a clear structure, discussing both problems and potential solutions.
coherence cohesion
The introductory paragraph effectively sets the stage for the discussion by highlighting the main issues older workers face.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion suggests how the suggested solutions could lead to a more inclusive workplace, bringing the discussion full-circle back to the introduction.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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