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Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Some people believe that celebrating personal events is a waste of money. Others feel that these celebrations play an important role in the lives of individuals and in society as a whole. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #events #waste #money #celebrations #role #lives #individuals #society
I agree with people
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
waste
Correct article usage
the waste
show examples
 of
money
 because sometimes someone just has
party
Add an article
a party
the party
show examples
 for two years old kids. And it's definitely strange. I think has good parts both thoughts and bad
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
. If it
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
event
Add an article
an event
the event
show examples
 for
birthday
Add an article
a birthday
show examples
party
 or wedding something like that. Exactly he
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of
money
 but has good parts.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 you see your family and your relatives. And you will
getting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
enjoy
this
 event because you cohesion for your family. Everyone
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to see parents and hang on with
they
Change the pronoun
them
show examples
. We
was
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 seeing them since born in the world. And we have just really
rely
Wrong verb form
relied
show examples
 people our family. it's
due to
 events, we are going to
meeting
Add an article
a meeting
the meeting
show examples
. But of course events expensive things many
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
. But
likewise
 are important for relationships. İf we don't have enough
money
 at the
time
 we can go
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
picnic
Correct article usage
a picnic
show examples
 so we needn't to
money
Add a missing verb
have money
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 all the
time
. Just want to see family. personal celebrating
certainly
Add a missing verb
is certainly
show examples
waste
Add an article
a waste
show examples
 of
time
. We had alcohol and we called friends. We pay attention is lavish
party
Fix the agreement mistake
parties
show examples
. Gifts could be expensive
likewise
. I would say empty investment.
On the other hand
 we have just pay to fee. Maybe you
are got
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 enjoy
but
Correct pronoun usage
it but
show examples
 after the
party
Add a comma
party,
show examples
 you won't
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
enjoy
because
Correct pronoun usage
it because
show examples
 you will see your wallet and bill. Exactly unnecessary for normal people.
Submitted by yaexar on

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task achievement
Your essay briefly discusses both sides of the argument but needs a more balanced approach. Try to equally explore both perspectives with similar depth to achieve better task response.
task achievement
Your main ideas are somewhat clear, but they could be presented more comprehensively. Try to elaborate more on each point you make.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion to enhance the logical flow.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a separate point or aspect of the discussion. This will improve the logical structure.
task achievement
You've made an effort to discuss both sides and include your opinion, which is crucial for task fulfillment.
task achievement
The essay contains relevant examples, which illustrate your points effectively when discussing the importance of family gatherings.
task achievement
You have attempted to tackle the complexity of the question, which shows a good understanding of the task requirement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • lavish parties
  • essential expenditures
  • financial stress
  • lasting memories
  • social bonds
  • emotional support
  • familial and social ties
  • mental health
  • community cohesion
  • cultural heritage
  • sense of identity
  • traditional practices
  • sense of belonging
  • continuity
  • unique cultural aspects
  • personal well-being
  • routine
  • life satisfaction
  • reasonable budget
  • cost-effective
  • potluck parties
What to do next:
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