Some people believe that celebrating personal events is a waste of money. Others feel that these celebrations play an important role in the lives of individuals and in society as a whole. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #events #waste #money #celebrations #role #lives #individuals #society

I agree with people

for

Change preposition

about

show examples

waste

Correct article usage

the waste

show examples

money

because sometimes someone just has

party

Add an article

a party

the party

show examples

for two years old kids. And it's definitely strange. I think has good parts both thoughts and bad

side

Fix the agreement mistake

sides

show examples

. If it

make

Change the verb form

makes

show examples

event

Add an article

an event

the event

show examples

for

birthday

Add an article

a birthday

show examples

party

or wedding something like that. Exactly he

waste

Correct article usage

a waste

show examples

money

but has good parts.

For

instance

Add a comma

instance,

show examples

you see your family and your relatives. And you will

getting

Verb problem

apply

show examples

enjoy

this

event because you cohesion for your family. Everyone

want

Change the verb form

wants

show examples

to see parents and hang on with

they

Change the pronoun

them

show examples

. We

was

Wrong verb form

have been

show examples

seeing them since born in the world. And we have just really

rely

Wrong verb form

relied

show examples

people our family. it's

due to

events, we are going to

meeting

Add an article

a meeting

the meeting

show examples

. But of course events expensive things many

time

Fix the agreement mistake

times

show examples

. But

likewise

are important for relationships. İf we don't have enough

money

at the

time

we can go

Change preposition

show examples

picnic

Correct article usage

a picnic

show examples

so we needn't to

money

Add a missing verb

have money

show examples

all the

time

. Just want to see family. personal celebrating

certainly

Add a missing verb

is certainly

show examples

waste

Add an article

a waste

show examples

time

. We had alcohol and we called friends. We pay attention is lavish

party

Fix the agreement mistake

parties

show examples

. Gifts could be expensive

likewise

. I would say empty investment.

On the other hand

we have just pay to fee. Maybe you

are got

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

enjoy

but

Correct pronoun usage

it but

show examples

after the

party

Add a comma

party,

show examples

you won't

any

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

enjoy

because

Correct pronoun usage

it because

show examples

you will see your wallet and bill. Exactly unnecessary for normal people.

Submitted by yaexar on Thu Oct 03 2024

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task achievement

Your essay briefly discusses both sides of the argument but needs a more balanced approach. Try to equally explore both perspectives with similar depth to achieve better task response.

task achievement

Your main ideas are somewhat clear, but they could be presented more comprehensively. Try to elaborate more on each point you make.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion to enhance the logical flow.

coherence and cohesion

Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a separate point or aspect of the discussion. This will improve the logical structure.

task achievement

You've made an effort to discuss both sides and include your opinion, which is crucial for task fulfillment.

task achievement

The essay contains relevant examples, which illustrate your points effectively when discussing the importance of family gatherings.

task achievement

You have attempted to tackle the complexity of the question, which shows a good understanding of the task requirement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27Grammar mistakes
 

2 paragraphs

219 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

lavish parties
essential expenditures
financial stress
lasting memories
social bonds
emotional support
familial and social ties
mental health
community cohesion
cultural heritage
sense of identity
traditional practices
sense of belonging
continuity
unique cultural aspects
personal well-being
routine
life satisfaction
reasonable budget
cost-effective
potluck parties

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Some people believe that celebrating personal events is a waste of money. Others feel that these celebrations play an important role in the lives of individuals and in society as a whole. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

Some argue that music mainly serves as a way for individuals to reduce their stress and anxiety. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that companies should manufacturing products that last for a long time. Others feel that the emphasis should be place on producing goods that are cheap. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. Do you agree or disagree?