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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In many countries, the number of people suffering from stress is increasing. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to tackle it?

#countries #people #stress #measures
In many nations, there is a significant rise in the
number
 of
people
 suffering from
stress
.
This
 essay will look at the primary causes of
this
 phenomenon and suggest some possible solutions to
this
 problem. There are numerous reasons for the increasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
number
 of
people
 suffering
stress
. First of all, the economy has declined sharply in recent years,
therefore
, some
people
 feel pressure about their finances. After covid-19 pandemic, everything has increased its price,
however
, a lot of workers
lose
Wrong verb form
have lost
show examples
 their
jobs
 or reduced their salaries.
As a consequence
, they will find it very nervous and have a financial burden,
that is
 the reason why they feel nervous which can lead to
stress
 problems.
In addition
, the main reason leading
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 increasing of individuals suffering from
stress
 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
peer pressure. Nowadays, the competition in every age group is more fierce. That makes many individuals have negative reactions
hence
Correct word choice
and hence
show examples
 always
are compared
Wrong verb form
compare
show examples
 with each other.
For example
, the
number
 of the young generations in Vietnam suffering from
stress
 is very large
hence
 some parents in
this
 nations often compare their children with their peers. There are several actions that could be taken to mitigate the problem mentioned above.
Firstly
, the government should try to help workers find
jobs
 or encourage them
in
Verb problem
to pursue
show examples
 a career.
For instance
, the government could support
people
 who have been lack of
jobs
 or reduce their income by providing
jobs
 or welfare.
This
 can solve problems about financial burdens and reduce
stress
.
Moreover
, it is extremely crucial for society to raise awareness about mental health and create more workshops about
stress
. Schools and workplaces need to help their student and staff to know how to manage
stress
.
In addition
, parents
also
 ought to share with their children about pressure in order to make them feel less
stress
Replace the word
stressed
show examples
. To sum it up, there are various factors leading to a noticeable rise in the
number
 of
people
 suffering
stress
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
measures can be implemented to tackle
this
 issue.
Submitted by nguyenhoanganhquan918 on

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language
Try to use a wider variety of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures to enhance your essay's sophistication and depth.
content
Consider discussing more causes and solutions with examples for a more thorough exploration of the topic.
structure
The structure of the essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
examples
You provided specific examples, such as the impact on young generations in Vietnam, which adds depth to your arguments.
task achievement
The essay covers significant causes of stress, like financial pressures and peer pressure, and offers practical solutions.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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