IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

It is more important to use the space in cities well than make them beautiful. To what extend do you agree?

#space #cities
It is generally accepted that most megacities
cities
 are running out of space
due to
 population growth alongside developments. Even though most
cities
 want to maintain their beauty, in my opinion, governments should maximize the space available for more useful projects. There is a tendency to believe that compact
cities
 could ruin their beauty. But it needs to be taken into account that the
world
 is growing at a rapid pace.
Therefore
 countries need to use their land effectively.
For instance
, Singapore is generally known as a small country but they are able to be one of the fastest growing countries. Their
city
 plan is very compact which could be a bad influence on their beauty but
as a result
, the country is able to keep up with the rest of the
world
.
Second,
a primary factor for consideration is population. Experts believe that the population of the
world
 is increasing rapidly. It is said that younger generations are moving into larger
cities
 to find a job. Resulting in a problem where
cities
 would need more housing for people to live in.
For
this
 reason, I think the government should take into consideration better
city
 planning. More affordable housing could lead to growth in society. Taking everything into consideration,
although
 some might argue that aesthetics is key to a good
city
, I still think that efficiency is the main objective for most
cities
,
therefore
 maximizing the space available in each
city
 will prevent the country from falling behind on the progression of the
world
.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or data to enhance the argument for using city space efficiently. For instance, citing specific projects or policies in Singapore could strengthen your point.
coherence cohesion
Ensure clearer transitions between paragraphs and ideas to improve coherence. This will allow the reader to follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly sets the context and presents your opinion effectively, making it straightforward for the reader to understand your position.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and logical structure with a strong introduction and conclusion, ensuring coherence throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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