It is common nowadays for each member of the family to have their own piece of modern technology. Some people think this will lead to a breakdown in family relationships and communication. To what extent do you agree?

#member #piece #technology #people #breakdown #relationships #communication

Having a personal technological device has become popular among some demographics of society. It is thought by some people as a threat to family bonds. Considering the importance of

tehcnology

Correct your spelling

technology

Change preposition

show examples

our daily

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

, I do not agree with

this

statement, which

this

essay

further

elaborates on.

Firstly

, it should

be acknowledge

Change the verb form

be acknowledged

show examples

that excessive using of

technology

can

be resulted

Wrong verb form

result

show examples

in not only less quality

relasionship

Correct your spelling

relationship

relationships

, but

also

some

health

concerns may appear.

In other words

exposuring

Correct your spelling

exposing

exposure

constant radiating can lead to

sedentary

Correct article usage

a sedentary

show examples

lifestyle and deteriorated

eye sight

Correct your spelling

eyesight

show examples

. Yet,

this

issue can

be mitigate

Change the verb form

be mitigated

show examples

by setting some rules.

For example

, parents could organize outdoor activities which do not include screen-time, or determine time limits so that their children might pay attention to their

lesson

Fix the agreement mistake

lessons

show examples

and spend much time with their peers or family. One thing should be taken into account

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

it is almost impossible to imagine our contemporary life without

technology

Technology

plays an integral role in every field,

such

as education,

health

sports

Correct word choice

and sports

show examples

For example

, nearly all lessons had shifted to

videoconferance

Correct your spelling

videoconference

video conference

during covid-19 pandemic, in other

case

Fix the agreement mistake

cases

show examples

doctors can easily determine the real cause of any

health

problems of their patients.

Therefore

, being fully aware of

technology

may create beneficial results for us. The more having

laptop

Correct article usage

a laptop

show examples

means the more people have IT skills.

Thus

, it is better to own

personal

Correct article usage

a personal

show examples

device for every

invidual

Correct your spelling

individual

family

Add an article

the family

show examples

. In conclusion,

while

technology

could bring some problems in terms of

health

and

relationship

Fix the agreement mistake

relationships

show examples

, bearing in mind how technological skills are crucial in today's world, I do not support that statement

due to

the reasons mentioned above.

Submitted by agayevnamiq842 on Thu Oct 03 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure a clear and well-organized structure with clear topic sentences to guide the reader through your argument.

Task Achievement

Attempt to provide more detailed examples that are directly related to family relationships to enhance the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

A well-defined introduction and conclusion frame the essay effectively.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay contains clear ideas, which are mostly conveyed in a logical sequence.

Task Achievement

The topic is approached from multiple angles, showing an understanding of its complexity.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

267 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5

6.5

Logical structure

7.5

Introduction & conclusion present

6.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

6.5

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

6.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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It is common nowadays for each member of the family to have their own piece of modern technology. Some people think this will lead to a breakdown in family relationships and communication. To what extent do you agree?

Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

As global trade increases, many goods, even some daily goods, are exported to another country, which includes long-distance transport during shipping. Do you think its benefits outweigh its drawbacks?

Most people believe that social media such as facebook and instagram negatively impact on society and individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?l

It is sometimes suggested that primary school children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. What are the advantages and disadvantages? Do you think advantage of this outweigh the disadvantage?

Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in arts?