Some people believe that the government should take care of old people and provide financial support after they retire. Others says individuals should save during their working years to fund their own retirement. What is your opinion? Is it a positive or negative development.

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It is argued that some

individuals

Use synonyms

believe the

government

Use synonyms

should provide financial support to retired

people

Use synonyms

. Others think

individuals

Use synonyms

should save during their working years to fund their

retirement

Use synonyms

. From my point of view, I believe it is important to offer financial assistance to retired

individuals

Use synonyms

. It is true that many

people

Use synonyms

become

government

Use synonyms

servants or receive

retirement

Use synonyms

benefits from

government

Use synonyms

jobs because they want to live stably, supported by these funds. The primary reason for

this

Linking Words

preference is that those jobs are not affected by the global economy, and even as they age, employees typically do not lose their positions simply

due to

Linking Words

age.

Additionally

Linking Words

, it is worth noting that during their working years,

individuals

Use synonyms

can save enough for life after

retirement

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

is facilitated by numerous

government

Use synonyms

benefits,

such

Linking Words

as free tuition and scholarships.

Therefore

Linking Words

, the

government

Use synonyms

should allocate funds for different purposes,

such

Linking Words

as enhancing education levels and improving public transportation.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, it is undeniable that the

government

Use synonyms

should provide

retirement

Use synonyms

benefits to

individuals

Use synonyms

who have worked for it their entire lives.

This

Linking Words

is because, compared to higher-salary jobs

such

Linking Words

as those of entrepreneurs or doctors, their salaries are quite low, which is a primary reason many

people

Use synonyms

reconsider becoming

government

Use synonyms

servants before starting their careers.

Moreover

Linking Words

, if the

government

Use synonyms

does not provide sufficient support for their post-

retirement

Use synonyms

lives,

government

Use synonyms

employees may not be motivated to work hard and might display less care in their work attitudes, leading to poor quality

Change preposition

show examples

government

Use synonyms

services.

Additionally

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

situation could drive

individuals

Use synonyms

towards certain high-paying professions

such

Linking Words

as medicine, engineering, and entrepreneurship, as they may feel they cannot afford their lifestyles as

government

Use synonyms

servants. In conclusion,

while

Linking Words

it is true that

individuals

Use synonyms

can save money during their working years, which is why the

government

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should not have to allocate money to them after

retirement

Use synonyms

, I would assert that if there is no

retirement

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money available after they retire,

people

Use synonyms

would not try to work diligently, leading to

Remove the article

apply

show examples

poor quality of services.

yourfatherismcdonaldtheif Wed Apr 02 2025

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task achievement

Make sure to clearly define your position in the introduction and reiterate your main argument in the conclusion for better clarity.

coherence and cohesion

Try to enhance the logical flow between your paragraphs by using more linking words and phrases for better transitions.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments, particularly when stating why financial support is essential.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay presents a clear opinion and engages with the topic effectively, showing understanding of both sides.

coherence and cohesion

You have structured your essay into well-defined paragraphs, each addressing distinct points, which aids readability.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

336 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pension scheme
elderly poverty
financial independence
social solidarity
state-funded
financial literacy
working years
retirement fund
fiscal responsibility
income disparity

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Some people believe that the government should take care of old people and provide financial support after they retire. Others says individuals should save during their working years to fund their own retirement. What is your opinion? Is it a positive or negative development.

Include an introduction and conclusion

In today’s world, private companies rather than the government pay for and conduct most scientific research. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, distance-learning programs are such common thing for us (the study material by post, by internet) but some people argue that courses can never be taken as good as those by attending in a college or university in person. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

With the rise of the internet more and more people are getting their news from social media platforms. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Life was better when technology was simpler. To what extent do you agree or disagree?