a growing population is a big problem in many countries. should the government provide new homes in the cities or countrside?
There is no doubt
,
Correct word choice
that, number
number
of Change the article
a number
the number
countries
are troubling
Replace the word
troubled
with
Change preposition
by
problem
Correct article usage
the problem
og
Correct your spelling
of
growing
population, which might be solved by Correct article usage
the growing
making
some new buildings. Verb problem
building
However
, some other measures could be taken to alleviate this
trouble. I shall shed light upon statement
by covering a lot of ground in Correct determiner usage
this statement
further
paragraphs.
To begin
with, first of all, the thought of building could be taken only by countries
, those
have sufficient space for making new houses. Correct pronoun usage
that
such
as canada
and Change the capitalization
Canada
america
have a lot of available land where even skyscrapers could be built in cities and houses in rural areas. Change the capitalization
America
However
, there are some smaller countries
those
can not even take a consideration Correct pronoun usage
that
of
construction Correct article usage
the of
brand new
properties for Add a hyphen
brand-new
citizens
. For example
, Sri Lanka, may not think about new buildings as having deficient area
.
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
On the other hand
, some other factors, those
might be operated by Correct determiner usage
apply
Add an article
the government
government
of Fix the agreement mistake
governments
countries
as well as
by citizens
. Firstly
, education is the key element that can change a country's future. By educating
the residents about the results of Change preposition
Educating
of
having not Remove the redundancy
apply
much
kids may help to control the population. Change the quantifier
many
For example
, one
Correct determiner usage
the
child
policy implemented by Correct your spelling
one-child
china
government Replace the word
the Chinese
that
could really help them to get a decline in their country's population, which was first in the world and now Correct pronoun usage
apply
decresed
to second place. Correct your spelling
decreased
Last
but not the
least, Correct article usage
apply
by
staying together except staying separate for a family not Change preposition
apply
Rephrase
only make
make
their relations much Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
more
stronger but Change the word
apply
also
put
a significant contribution Verb problem
makes
in
authority's help in Change preposition
to
lessen
Wrong verb form
lessening
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
citizens
.
In conclusion, the nations those
have enough space and are financially strong can make new buildings. Correct pronoun usage
that
Although
, countries
those
are still on the way Correct pronoun usage
that
of
development may encourage their Change preposition
to
citizens
to control birth.Submitted by amandeepkaur6581 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easier to follow the writer's main arguments. However, the introduction could be more focused on the specific question regarding whether new homes should be built in cities or the countryside.
coherence cohesion
The logical sequence of ideas could be improved by ensuring each paragraph builds upon the previous one. Try to maintain a clear flow between arguments by using linking phrases and considering the order of points presented.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples that directly relate to the question of where to build new homes (cities vs. countryside). Current examples, like the one-child policy, illustrate population control but not housing strategies.
task achievement
The response covers the task broadly but could delve deeper into the advantages and disadvantages of building homes in cities versus the countryside. Consider discussing potential drawbacks and benefits more explicitly.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is fully developed and supported with comprehensive ideas and evidence. This will strengthen your task response and make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
The essay introduces the issue of growing population and concludes with a solution, maintaining a clear structure.
task achievement
The example of the one-child policy in China provides a tangible detail that supports the general point about population control.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!