IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

a growing population is a big problem in many countries. should the government provide new homes in the cities or countrside?

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There is no doubt
,
Correct word choice
that, number
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
countries
Use synonyms
 are
troubling
Replace the word
troubled
show examples
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
problem
Correct article usage
the problem
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og
Correct your spelling
of
growing
Correct article usage
the growing
show examples
 population, which might be solved by
making
Verb problem
building
show examples
 some new buildings.
However
Linking Words
, some other measures could be taken to alleviate
this
Linking Words
 trouble. I shall shed light upon
statement
Correct determiner usage
this statement
show examples
 by covering a lot of ground in
further
Linking Words
 paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, first of all, the thought of building could be taken only by
countries
Use synonyms
,
those
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 have sufficient space for making new houses.
such
Linking Words
 as
canada
Change the capitalization
Canada
show examples
 and
america
Change the capitalization
America
show examples
 have a lot of available land where even skyscrapers could be built in cities and houses in rural areas.
However
Linking Words
, there are some smaller
countries
Use synonyms
those
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 can not even take a consideration
of
Correct article usage
the of
show examples
 construction
brand new
Add a hyphen
brand-new
show examples
 properties for
citizens
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, Sri Lanka, may not think about new buildings as having deficient
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some other factors,
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
might be operated by
Add an article
the government
show examples
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
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 of
countries
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 by
citizens
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, education is the key element that can change a country's future.
By educating
Change preposition
Educating
show examples
 the residents about the results of
of
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
having not
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 kids may help to control the population.
For example
Linking Words
,
one
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
child
Correct your spelling
one-child
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 policy implemented by
china
Replace the word
the Chinese
show examples
 government
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could really help them to get a decline in their country's population, which was first in the world and now
decresed
Correct your spelling
decreased
 to second place.
Last
Linking Words
 but not
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
least,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
staying together except staying separate for a family not
Rephrase
only make
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 their relations much
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
stronger but
also
Linking Words
put
Verb problem
makes
show examples
 a significant contribution
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 authority's help in
lessen
Wrong verb form
lessening
show examples
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
citizens
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the nations
those
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 have enough space and are financially strong can make new buildings.
Although
Linking Words
,
countries
Use synonyms
those
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 are still on the way
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 development may encourage their
citizens
Use synonyms
 to control birth.

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coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easier to follow the writer's main arguments. However, the introduction could be more focused on the specific question regarding whether new homes should be built in cities or the countryside.
coherence cohesion
The logical sequence of ideas could be improved by ensuring each paragraph builds upon the previous one. Try to maintain a clear flow between arguments by using linking phrases and considering the order of points presented.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples that directly relate to the question of where to build new homes (cities vs. countryside). Current examples, like the one-child policy, illustrate population control but not housing strategies.
task achievement
The response covers the task broadly but could delve deeper into the advantages and disadvantages of building homes in cities versus the countryside. Consider discussing potential drawbacks and benefits more explicitly.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is fully developed and supported with comprehensive ideas and evidence. This will strengthen your task response and make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
The essay introduces the issue of growing population and concludes with a solution, maintaining a clear structure.
task achievement
The example of the one-child policy in China provides a tangible detail that supports the general point about population control.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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