Mobile phones and the Internet play an important role in the way people relate to one another socially. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
In today's era, technology like mobile
phones
internet play a vital role in communicating with Use synonyms
people
on social media. I firmly disagree with the said notion Use synonyms
due to
the following trend, Linking Words
furthermore
, mobile is Linking Words
also
used for the purpose of Linking Words
entertainment
.
To commence with the view of the agreement, Use synonyms
due to
mobile Linking Words
phones
had an astounding experience. To elaborate on it, several Use synonyms
people
enjoyed the Use synonyms
entertainment
through mobile Use synonyms
phones
by playing games and chatting with friends. To illustrate it, in recent times, when COVID-19 occurred, Use synonyms
people
started using mobile Use synonyms
phones
for the purpose of Use synonyms
entertainment
by playing games like Pubg and Ludo which skyrocketed. Use synonyms
In addition
, meeting in person was Linking Words
also
restricted by the government so Linking Words
people
were communicating mainly through WhatsApp.
Shifting towards views of disagreement, in the modern era, individuals have made a trend of having mobile Use synonyms
phones
Use synonyms
such
as, " One who has a Linking Words
phone
is cool". Use synonyms
On the other hand
, "those who don't have a Linking Words
phone
are seen by Use synonyms
people
as failures". Use synonyms
Hence
, many pupils have been distracted from their studies Linking Words
due to
Linking Words
following
Linking Words
this
trend. Linking Words
For example
,in a survey conducted by Harvard Linking Words
University
educational department, the top 50 students were given a Change noun form
University's
phone
for 30 days, and after that 45 of them experienced a negative effect on their academics, Use synonyms
furthermore
, the remaining 5 were seen with no improvement.
Linking Words
Further
strengthening the view of disagreement, nowadays Linking Words
people
are immersively inbounded in mobile Use synonyms
phones
and because of that they are not meeting their family, friends, and relatives in person. Use synonyms
For instance
, during family gatherings and on a special occasion all of the Linking Words
people
are likely to be engaged on the Use synonyms
phone
rather than interacting with respective fellow members. Use synonyms
Therefore
, most of the casual meetings are Linking Words
also
boundly assigned online, minimally in person.
In conclusion, Linking Words
although
using mobile Linking Words
phones
gives Use synonyms
entertainment
and makes communication easier during COVID-19, yet Use synonyms
people
spend most time on Use synonyms
phones
which has drastically affected their studies, other than that mobiles have bounded negatively around Use synonyms
people
like friends, family and relatives.Use synonyms
Submitted by tushalk329
on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure the essay maintains a clear and consistent argument throughout. While the introduction touches on disagreement, the body presents both perspectives without clarity on the overall stance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly. Words like 'however,' 'moreover,' and 'furthermore' could strengthen arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it fully with evidence or examples, focusing on making each point distinct and logical.
Task Achievement
Clarify the extent to which you agree or disagree at the beginning and stick to that throughout the essay. The thesis statement could be clearer about your stance.
Task Achievement
Try to elaborate more on the points made. While there are some good examples, some arguments need further clarification or expansion.
Task Achievement
The essay contains relevant examples, such as the COVID-19 scenario with mobile phones, which illustrate the points well.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame and close the argument effectively.