1-Many people are working at home rather than in the workplace. Some people believe this will bring benefits to the workers and their families, but others suggest it will cause stress in the home. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
The idea of telecommuting is a debate the first side of which advises that doing so could bring advantages to the employees and their families;
however
, the second side claims that this
could bring about stress in the home
. While
the latter seems to be more logical, both points of view will be discussed as follows.
Those supporting the notion that working from home
could cause stress, cite that this
could terminate balanced
life. Correct article usage
a balanced
Although
this
not
for all peopleAdd a missing verb
is not
happen
, individuals’ Verb problem
apply
home
, gradually, becomes their work environment. This
means that striking a balance between work and daily life might become difficult. Hardships stemming from this
issue,
would transmit to their house. Remove the comma
apply
This
, gradually, would result in anxiety and other difficulties. Workers and their family
, in the long run, would suffer from stress.
On the other side of Fix the agreement mistake
families
this
debate
the proponents of the perception of working from Add a comma
debate,
home
would bring benefits to the workers and their families, claim if so, the flexibility of employees would be enhanced. This
being the case, this
allows to
balance their personal responsibilities, ranging from child fostering to running some errands. Correct pronoun usage
them to
On the contrary
, I believe such
doing
tasks would inhibit doing their own jobs. With the effect of there being less supervision on them, they might not do their jobs carefully. Unnecessary verb
apply
This
could lead to their dismissal. Hence
, this
would not bring merits to workers and their family
.
Fix the agreement mistake
families
Overall
, with respect to the controversy over whether it is advisable to telecommute or not, the former seems to be debunked due to
The likelihood of being terminated from employment because of not working enough.Submitted by ielts7683 on
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task achievement
While your essay provides a complete response, it could benefit from further development of ideas and more specific examples to support your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines both sides of the debate and clearly states your opinion to make it more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your arguments by using more cohesive devices such as 'Firstly,' 'Moreover,' 'In contrast,' etc.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly addresses one main point and is well-connected to the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion should summarize the main points discussed and restate your opinion, bringing the essay to a coherent end.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the discussion and provides a clear stance, which is essential for this type of task.
coherence cohesion
Your language usage is appropriate and demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and grammatical structures.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.