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Band 7

Very few schoolchildren learn about the value of money and how to look after it, yet this is a critical life skill that should be taught as part of the school curriculum. Do you agree or disagree?

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Some people believe that very few schoolchildren know the
value
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 of
money
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, and how to save it.
However
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, others believe that
this
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 is an essential life skill, and should be taught as a part of
school
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 education. I personally agree with
this
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 statement because learning the
value
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 of
money
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 makes
children
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 practical, and they will carefully spend it. Learning the
value
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 of
money
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 as a part of the
school
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 curriculum helps
children
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 to become more practical. Through
this
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 education,
children
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 will learn that
money
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 is valuable, and requires effort to earn.
Therefore
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, when they become adult, they will start working and earn
money
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 with their hard work.
Consequently
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, they will not become dependent on their parents anymore.
For example
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, in Japan,
children
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 start learning the
value
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 of
money
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 at their primary
school
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, which helps them earn it through hard work in future.
Moreover
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, understanding the
value
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 of
money
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 helps
children
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 to carefully spend them.
Children
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 learn that
money
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 has great
value
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, and it should be spent with care. Unnecessary
spend
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spending
show examples
 of
money
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 can bring poverty and suffering in our lives. Those people who do not spend
money
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 carefully can experience
this
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.
Moreover
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,
this
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also
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 prevents
children
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 from buying unnecessary staff. They will take care of their stuff and learn to reuse them.
For instance
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,
children
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 in Bangladesh, are taught how to save and spend their pocket
money
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 in their
school
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.
This
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 education helps them not to buy unnecessary staff and save
money
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 for bad times. In conclusion,
children
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 should learn the importance of
money
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. Through
this
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 learning, they will become more hardworking and practical. They will
also
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 know how to utilize
money
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 properly.

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conclusion
Work on providing a stronger conclusion that succinctly summarizes your main points.
cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to enhance the overall flow of your essay.
task achievement
Consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen your position.
task response
The essay clearly addresses the prompt, providing a complete response with relevant examples.
coherence
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion, and each main point is supported effectively.
examples
Examples from Japan and Bangladesh are used effectively to illustrate the main points and add depth to the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • curriculum
  • fiscal responsibility
  • money management
  • budgeting
  • saving
  • investing
  • adult population
  • financial decisions
  • educational systems
  • theoretical curriculum
  • practical life skills
  • real-life experience
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