IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in other countries. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #professionals #doctors #engineers #work #country #countries
Whilst many think that professional workers owe a debt to the country they trained in , I believe they should be free to work where they choose because they can earn more money. On the one hand, professionals often receive considerable funding from their government to become fully qualified. It is only fair that they should repay
this
 support by working in that place.
This
 is because they often do jobs that greatly benefit society.
Hence
, the government invest in them and expects compensation when the time comes.
For instance
, the University of Brussels receives millions of euros each year as a budget to prepare facilities and amenities for the student to become well qualified and knowledgeable in their study field so they can be useful to the authority in the future.
On the other hand
, workers should have the ability to continue their careers anywhere they desire.
Moreover
, it is highly probable for them to find job opportunities regarding their professions and capabilities in other countries where they can find beneficial and lucrative careers.
Hence
, it is essential to give
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 feeling to them that they are not in prison.
For instance
, based on news and media, Both Germany and Canada are the most highly demanded and renowned countries for working and running businesses.
According to
 statistics, the ratio of nurses and doctors increased drastically over the past ten years.
This
 is all
due to
 the job opportunities they provide for the foreign specialists. I agree that the individual’s right to work wherever they please trumps any nationalistic considerations. In conclusion,
Although
 there is a tremendous amount of investment in a professional’s development, it is important to give
this
 right to choose whether to repay that by working in their home state or moving to a region that pays them the highest value for their skill.
Submitted by nasiri.behnam1994 on

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introduction conclusion
Your introduction is brief and directly addresses the topic, which is good. However, it can be improved by briefly outlining the points you will discuss.
logical structure
Ensure a logical flow between ideas within paragraphs. Some of the transitions between sentences can be smoother.
clear comprehensive ideas
Expand on your ideas more fully to provide a comprehensive response. Some points feel a bit rushed and not thoroughly explained.
relevant specific examples
You have provided relevant and specific examples to support your points. This adds strength to your arguments.
supported main points
The essay is well organized with clear paragraphs for each viewpoint and a conclusion that summarizes your opinion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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