IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people say that there is too much harmful content on the internet. They say the only way to make the internet safe is for the government to censor the content of websites. To what extent do you think the government should control what information is available on the internet?

#people #content #internet #government #websites #control #information
A portion of
people
 argue that
thevInternet
Correct your spelling
the Internet
 contains too much destructive
content
.So,they urge the authorities to censor the website's
content
.I partially agree with
this
,acknowledging both positive and negative consequences
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
 As
that is
 the case,I will elaborate on why
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should filter
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
content
 of websites and why they should not.
To begin
 with,there is no doubt that
this
 approach may protect the vulnerable populations from dangers.Parents have provided at least one tablet each to their children.As their parents are busy working,no one can observe their usage of the devices.
For instance
,the younger generations love to watch videos on YouTube,
however
,not all YouTube
content
 is suitable for their age.
Consequently
,if they click a video in which their target audience is not them,it would disrupt their intellectual development.In short,by doing
this
 we can save underage
people
 from harmful
content
.
On the contrary
, one of the setbacks of
this
 approach is that it is likely to limit virtual interaction between humans.To illustrate,
people
 of different ages use the
Internet
 to communicate with their friends and
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
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relatives to update what's new in their lives via Zoom,Google Meet and many more.Aside from that,information about global issues is impossible.In light of
this
,certain
people
 have mutuals on their social media platforms which they share about the recent issue in their country.
To sum up
,it will be harder for us to connect with
people
 if the
government
 filters information on the
internet
 In conclusion,
while
 some
people
 think the
government
 should filter the
content
 of certain sites, the
Internet
 has
overall
 played a vital role in connecting
people
 from different places.
Therefore
,it is evident that despite we could protect younger generations from any harm,we cannot deny the
Internet
 is part of us
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
now.After a thorough analysis of
this
 topic,the
government
 should enforce a new law regarding
Internet
 regulations for minors.
Submitted by alisyashazzy on

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task response
The response partially addresses the task but could benefit from clearer articulation of the main position throughout the essay. Try to maintain a consistent stance and develop arguments that directly relate to your position.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay would flow more smoothly with logical connectors and well-integrated paragraphs. Consider connecting ideas more explicitly and ensuring each paragraph transitions clearly to the next.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present, providing a clear start and end to your discussion.
task response
Relevant examples are provided, which help to illustrate your points, particularly when discussing the internet's impact on younger users.
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