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Writing Samples /
Band 1.5

Some people think that it is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #children #countryside #city
In today
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Today
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, I think kids is better to live in
village
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the village
a village
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 than
city
. Because
village
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the village
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is have
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has
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 fresh air and more space to play.
City
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The city
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is have
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has
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 traffic and
noisy
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is noisy
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, it's not good for
Correct article usage
the kids
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kids
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kids'
kid's
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 health.
Also
 in
city
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the city
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, too many people and it
dangerous
Add a missing verb
is dangerous
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 for kids to walk around. I know from my friend,
he
Correct word choice
that he
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move
Wrong verb form
moved
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 to
city
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the city
a city
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 and his kid got sick many
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
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. But in
village
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the village
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, my cousin
live
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lives
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 there and
never
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is never
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 sick. So,
village
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the village
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 is
better
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a better
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 place for
child
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a child
the child
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 to grow.
Also
, in
village
Correct article usage
the village
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 food is
more healthy
Correct word choice
healthier
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 because not have
chemical
Fix the agreement mistake
chemicals
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 and
city
 food is fast food, which
bad
Add a missing verb
is bad
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 for health. In conclusion, I think
village
Correct article usage
a village
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 is better than
city
Add an article
the city
a city
show examples
 for children to live
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
 Because they can be more healthy and happy. Thank you.
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

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coherence cohesion
Try to organize your ideas into clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should present a separate main idea and supporting details, which will help in maintaining a logical structure throughout the essay.
task achievement
Develop your points further by providing examples and elaborating on your reasons. This will make your argument more persuasive and comprehensive.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to improve clarity. Simple changes in verb forms and article usage can make your sentences more comprehensible.
task achievement
You provided a clear stance in your conclusion, reinforcing your main argument.
task achievement
You included personal examples to support your position, which adds authenticity to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion, which provides a basic structure to your response.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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