IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for instance, through cellphone tracking and security. cameras. In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#technology #people #cellphone #security #cameras #cases #development
The increasing use of technology to monitor
people
 through cellphone tracking,
security
cameras
, and outer ways to monitor
people
And
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
raises
show examples
rases
Correct your spelling
raises
show examples
quentions
Correct your spelling
questions
 about privacy,
security
 and social trust
this
 statement offers both advantages and
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
 but The
benefits
out weight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
show examples
 the disadvantages.
First
Change the article
The first
show examples
 advantage, is Crime prevention. One of the primary
benefits
 is improved public safety.
Security
cameras
con
Correct your spelling
can
show examples
 determine
criminals
Change noun form
criminals'
criminal's
show examples
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and provide valuable evidence when crimes are committed.
Cell
 phone tracking can
also
 help locate missing
people
 or help in criminal cases.
Second
Change the article
The second
show examples
 advantage,
real time
Add a hyphen
real-time
show examples
 monitoring helps
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 react more
quikly
Correct your spelling
quickly
 and effectively. It helps to control
me
Correct pronoun usage
my
show examples
crownd
Correct your spelling
around
crowned
identity
Replace the word
identify
show examples
 potential threats.
Also
 can prevent terrorist
atack
Correct your spelling
attack
attacks
 or disasters.
Third
Change the article
The third
show examples
advatage
Correct your spelling
advantage
 is
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
 and safety
benefits
,
While
covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
show examples
 in 2019
cell
 tracking helped to determine
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contact with sick
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
. The main disadvantage
Add a missing verb
is
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 no privacy. Nowadays
security
cameras
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 everywhere, and many
people
 are unaware of the extent to which they are being monitored.
Second
Correct article usage
The second
show examples
 dis advantage
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 some
people
 can hack your cellphone or
security
 camera and
started
Wrong verb form
start
show examples
 monitoring you. And it can
leed
Correct your spelling
lead
show examples
 to many problems.
To conclude
this
 essay I want to write my opinion. Nowadays
cell
 phone tracking and monitoring
security
cameras
brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
show examples
 many
benefits
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Because monitoring
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 can help in crime cases,
cell
 phone tracking can help to
tind
Verb problem
track
show examples
 lost
people
, there are many advantages of it
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some of
them
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 I write
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 my essay.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your argument appropriately.
logical structure
Organize your points logically within paragraphs and use linking words to connect ideas smoothly.
supported main points
Support your points with relevant, real-world examples to reinforce your arguments effectively.
complete response
The essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages, providing a balanced view.
clear comprehensive ideas
You identified several key benefits of technology in monitoring, especially related to crime prevention and public safety.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: