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Band 5.5

Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#events #football #world #cup #occasions #tensions #emotions
Some say that global sporting events are important in order to relax
the
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apply
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international tensions and express patriotism in a healthy way. I completely disagree with
this
 notion because
this
 can put
players
' health and lives at a huge risk and
wars
 might happen irrespective of
this
. Most of the popular events like
Correct article usage
the world
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world cup
Correct your spelling
World Cup
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match
Correct subject-verb agreement
matches
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 in the field of cricket or football, require extreme discipline meaning
players
 push back a lot of their personal priorities in order to achieve a medal because their national pride is at stake. All citizens associate a lot of hope and expectations
to
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with
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the
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top-notch
players
 which increases the pressure
further
 and if those expectations are unfulfilled, the
players
 and their families are subjected to massive harassment.
For example
, Virat Kohli, one of the internationally known cricketers, had once received mass rape threats for his daughter as the fans could not fathom his failure at a certain match.
Furthermore
, nuclear
wars
 among certain countries happen irrespective of the games. There is a lot of historical context and political restrictions involved when it comes to arranging these events.
For example
, Iran and Israel, have had a history of ongoing
wars
 where the consequences have been disastrous; millions of humans have lost their lives. In a situation like theirs, no kind of event can really bring them back together or ease
out
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the tensions.
To conclude
, international games cannot necessarily help release patriotic emotions safely as it puts the
players
 under huge threat and some countries still continue to be
in
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at
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wars
Fix the agreement mistake
war
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due to
 their historical context which does not allow to ease
down
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apply
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the
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international tensions either.
Submitted by man3meet4 on

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task response
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea for improved clarity and flow.
cohesion coherence
Strengthen the coherence by using more transitional phrases to connect ideas smoothly between paragraphs.
introduction conclusion present
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, establishing the writer’s position effectively.
relevant specific examples
The essay provides relevant examples, such as the mention of Virat Kohli, which effectively illustrate the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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