IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to different people? What is your view of success?

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A lot of individuals think that being successful means attracting good career prospects and gaining higher education.
Consequently
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, most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people measure
success
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 in monetary terms.
However
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, from my perspective, achievements should rather bring happiness. First and foremost, different people treat
success
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 differently. For some, it is gaining financial freedom and creating a luxurious lifestyle, whilst for others it is having a well-paying job and being able to support a minimal lifestyle; but, it is
dependant
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dependent
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 on the availability of funds for most of us.
For example
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,
according to
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 American ideology, how successful a person is, is directly proportional to the person's wealth. Good schooling and jobs eventually lead to good salaried packages, which are valued by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society predominantly.
Therefore
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, many evaluate financial status to become an elite member of the society and they achieve it by working hard in their jobs and studying. In my opinion,
success
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 should
instead
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 be calculated in terms of happiness.
For instance
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, Bhutan,
being
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is
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 the only country which calculates its GDP considering how happy the citizens are and not their spending power. It is
thus
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 reported to be the happiest nation on earth and citizens are healthier in comparison to other places.
Subsequently
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,
practicing
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practising
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 spirituality is crucial as it leads to a life free of prejudices and comparison. Considering that people who are genuinely satisfied with their lives don't run for monetary
success
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 and are in turn content on the inside. In conclusion, humans often consider careers and education to be rewarding and place
success
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 at various levels, but majorly look through financial capabilities.
Nevertheless
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, from my point of view, happiness is the key to
gain
Wrong verb form
gaining
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 satisfaction.

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task achievement
Try to provide a variety of specific examples to illustrate different perspectives on success.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each main point is clearly supported with specific details or examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion nicely.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is strong, and the essay's ideas flow well from one paragraph to the next.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt thoroughly and provides a well-rounded discussion of different views on success.
task achievement
The arguments are clearly comprehensive and address the topic effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fulfillment
  • personal goals
  • happiness
  • career milestones
  • professional development
  • financial independence
  • security
  • philanthropy
  • contribution
  • personal development
  • recognition
  • work-life balance
  • self-improvement
  • well-being
  • subjective
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