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Band 4

Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more schoolwork. How do you think children should spend their free time?

#people #children #time #schoolwork
Some people think
children
 have too much
time
 and should make good use of it by doing more academic
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. In my opinion, I think
children
 can decide what they want to do when they finish what they should do,
for example
, homework or school projects. It is important to keep a period of
time
blanked
Replace the word
blank
show examples
. Because when the
children
 have nothing to do, they feel bored. Once they are bored, they will figure out what to do, maybe building a train by using toothpicks and flour.
This
 process evokes
children
's creativity and imagination which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them find out
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
what their talents are and what
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
Add a missing verb
are interests
show examples
interests
Replace the word
interested
show examples
for
Change preposition
in in
show examples
 their lives.
On the other hand
, if we fill
children
's schedules with study tasks and
extras
Change the noun form
extra
show examples
 courses which they
don't
Verb problem
aren't
show examples
 even
interests
Replace the word
interested
show examples
 in, they might lose their passion and their own responsibilities. I think parents and
children
 should discuss how to use their free
time
 flexibly. Leave some spaces for young individuals
develop
Fix the infinitive
to develop
show examples
 their skills and creativity. In conclusion, it is essential that
children
 finish their basic schoolwork. With some
asistance
Correct your spelling
assistance
,
children
 can learn how to organize their free
time
. Even when they have nothing to do, there must be some surprising results made by
children
.
Submitted by funfunchiu on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples or scenarios to clearly illustrate how free time fosters creativity, like activities children might choose to do.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to maintain consistent grammatical accuracy and correct any minor errors present.
task achievement
Successfully outlines the importance of balancing schoolwork with personal time for creativity.
coherence cohesion
Provides a clear introduction and conclusion that address the topic effectively.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well-organized and linked smoothly throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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