IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed contries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Developed states often help developing republics by suggesting financial aid or other types of help,
however
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, it doesn'
t
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 show any changes in these
countries
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.
Therefore
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,
this
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 essay prosecutes an idea to develop other forms of help, in transforming and building a new system for the developing regions. In terms of precipitation, the
money
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that is
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 spent on help does not always come to poor folk in developing
countries
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, because the
money
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 is often robbed by politicians who take more advantage of it than regular citizens. Notably, it is more of a systematic problem than a financial one , so
money
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 doesn'
t
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 influence the situation.
For example
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, many European
countries
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 send volunteers to Africa to fight against poverty and starvation but sometimes they need to deal with corruption and greed in domestic governments.
Therefore
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, the efficiency of help significantly declines.
On the other hand
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, developed republics should give more advice and specialists who can break old moulds and build new institutions in poor states.
However
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, it will still make a necessity in
money
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 but it will change the system that will outprice the cost of reform by development and future advantages in miscellaneous spheres.
For instance
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,
At the end
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 of the 20th century , Georgia was a country with a bad government and a high level of crime, but after several revolutions and reforms ,which happened with the help of developed states , it changed . Now, it is one of the fastest-growing
countries
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 and has a big tourist sector. In conclusion, financial aid isn'
t
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 a thing that will help
countries
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 rather than an unnecessary investment.
Moreover
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, it doesn'
t
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 reach poor people at all.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating on alternative forms of aid more extensively, providing examples of types of aid other than financial and discussing their potential impacts. This could strengthen your argument and provide a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Aim to maintain a consistent and clear structure throughout, where each paragraph elaborates on a single main idea and follows a logical progression. This aids the reader in following your argument seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the argument effectively and summarizing the main points concisely.
task achievement
The use of examples strengthens the argument and illustrates your points well, particularly with the case of Georgia. This enhances your response by grounding it in real-world scenarios.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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