There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The increasing pressure on young people to excel academically has led some to advocate for the removal of non-academic schedules like physical education and cooking from school curricula.

While

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reducing academic stress is a valid concern, eliminating these educational programs would be detrimental, undermining the holistic development of enlistment and ultimately hindering their long-term success. The argument for focusing solely on the core academic syllabus rests on the assumption that

this

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approach will improve academic performance.

However

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this

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ignores the crucial role of non-academic programs of

studies

Fix the agreement mistake

study

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in fostering essential life

skills

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. Practical modules

such

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as cooking and home economics equip engagement with the knowledge and

skills

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necessary for independent living, promoting self-sufficiency and reducing reliance on external support. These

skills

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are not only valuable in their own right but

also

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contribute to a student's

overall

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well-being and ability to manage stress effectively.

Furthermore

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, the exclusion of physical education would have significant negative consequences for recruitment's physical and mental health. Regular physical activity is essential for maintaining a healthy weight, boosting the immune system, and improving cognitive function. Physical education not only promotes physical fitness but

also

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teaches valuable lessons in teamwork, discipline, and resilience – qualities that are transferable to academic pursuits and beyond. The long-term health and well-being of conscription would be severely compromised by the removal of

this

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crucial element of the curriculum. In conclusion,

while

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the pressure on admission to perform academically is a legitimate concern, the solution is not to curtail educational opportunities by removing valuable non-academic schedules. A balanced curriculum that integrates both academic and non-academic studies is essential for fostering well-rounded individuals who are equipped to thrive both academically and in life beyond school. The benefits of developing essential life

skills

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and promoting physical and mental well-being far outweigh the perceived advantages of a narrowly focused academic curriculum.

Nguyen KhoaMon May 12 2025

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Task Achievement

Include more specific examples to illustrate your points. For instance, refer to studies linking physical activity with academic performance to make your argument more robust.

Coherence and Cohesion

Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices to ensure that your ideas flow seamlessly. For example, consider using 'in addition' or 'furthermore' to enhance transitions between ideas.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay presents a well-structured argument with clear introduction and conclusion, effectively addressing the topic.

Task Achievement

You demonstrate a strong understanding of the importance of non-academic subjects in education, showing depth in your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

305 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleep?

Nawadays families are not as close as they used to be. what do you think are the causes of this? what can be doen to make families closer?