Both government investment in public transport systems and reductions in public transport ticket prices would help to reduce transport pollution greatly. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Transport
pollution
is a big problem in many cities in the world today. Some
people
think that
government
investment in public
transport
and reduction of prices will greatly help the fight against
transport
pollution
. I totally agree with
this
statement.  There are many
people
that drive
cars
in towns and cities and
this
is a big problem because of the gridlocks and
also
the
pollution
that the
cars
emit.
This
fumes is really bad for the health. The
government
needs to invest in public
transport
so that less
people
drive
cars
. It is important that there is enough
transport
for large numbers of
people
and that the
transport
is
reliabil
Correct your spelling
reliable
and doesn’t break. The
transport
system in Tokyo is very good and lots of
people
use it.  Public
transport
prices
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
also
a big problem. The price of the
transport
needs to be low so that many
people
can pay it. If the price is more expensive or the same as the car
then
many
people
use the car because it is cheap. The
government
need to reduce prices, especially for
people
with not
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
money to pay it. In
Beijing
Add a comma
Beijing,
show examples
the
transport
is very cheap
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
making
people
not drive their
cars
. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
I agree that public
transport
is very important I think that
transport
pollution
is a bad thing but it can be stopped by the
government
is
Correct your spelling
if
show examples
they have more
transport
and make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
transport
cheap for everybody. The
transport
should
also
be clean for the
people
. But
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
think there is too
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
pollution
now so it will not be reduced.
Submitted by bidingmehakjot on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, try to use more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas smoothly. This can make your essay easier to read and follow.
task achievement
Incorporate more detailed examples to support your main points. This will strengthen your argument and provide a clearer picture for the reader.
task achievement
Focus on expressing your ideas more clearly; this may involve breaking down complex ideas into simpler parts.
task achievement
The essay presents a complete response to the task, addressing both parts of the question effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and well identified, providing a good overall structure.
task achievement
Practical examples from Tokyo and Beijing are relevant and help illustrate the points being discussed.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable transport
  • carbon footprint
  • mass transit
  • subsidization
  • fare reduction
  • environmental impact
  • urban planning
  • public policy
  • commuter behavior
  • infrastructural development
  • economic efficiency
  • equitable access
  • lifestyle shift
  • congestion
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