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Band 5.5

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #sense #competition #children #adults
Some people think that
children
 should be encouraged to compete
while
others
 believe that
children
 should learn to cooperate. The reason behind
this
 belief is
children
 become more useful adults when they learn to cooperate. I personally believe that it is more important for
children
 to learn
coopration
Correct your spelling
cooperation
 than competition. Learning to compete with
others
 is necessary in a
child
's
life
. Learning to compete helps a
child
 to win each situation in his
life
. When a
child
 is competitive, and when he sees someone
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
performing better than him, he will obviously try to perform better. Instilling
this
 sense in his mind will help him to succeed in
life
.
For instance
, when a
child
 wants to be the best among all, he is more courageous to perform well in each competition.
However
, I personally believe that a sense
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
compete
Replace the word
competition
show examples
 sometimes creates jealousy in the
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
.
On the contrary
, learning to
coperate
Correct your spelling
cooperate
operate
 is useful in many ways. It helps to make
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 useful adult. When a
child
 learns to
coperate
Correct your spelling
cooperate
operate
corporate
, he will become more caring and empathetic towards
others
. Cooperation is one of the most important skills, which is required in both personal and professional lives. A cooperative
child
 is more courageous to help
others
, and more prepared for his future.
For example
, in Australia, students are taught to become cooperative because it helps them to shine in their future professional
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Therefore
, I believe that
children
 should learn to cooperate. In conclusion,
while
 instilling a sense of competition is important for a
child
 to
become
Verb problem
apply
show examples
succeed in
life
, being cooperative is more important because it helps a
child
 to become caring and empathetic.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
To enhance your task achievement score, try to incorporate more specific examples or evidence to support your points. This will make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Consider working on the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to improve coherence. This will make your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both views of the topic, providing a balanced discussion, which is crucial for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly crafted, providing a good frame for the essay.
coherence cohesion
You use a range of cohesive devices effectively to connect your ideas, contributing to the overall coherence.
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