IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #sense #competition #children #adults
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Some people think that
children
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 should be encouraged to compete
while
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others
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 believe that
children
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 should learn to cooperate. The reason behind
this
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 belief is
children
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 become more useful adults when they learn to cooperate. I personally believe that it is more important for
children
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 to learn
coopration
Correct your spelling
cooperation
 than competition. Learning to compete with
others
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 is necessary in a
child
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's
life
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. Learning to compete helps a
child
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 to win each situation in his
life
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. When a
child
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 is competitive, and when he sees someone
is
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apply
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performing better than him, he will obviously try to perform better. Instilling
this
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 sense in his mind will help him to succeed in
life
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.
For instance
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, when a
child
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 wants to be the best among all, he is more courageous to perform well in each competition.
However
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, I personally believe that a sense
to
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of
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compete
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competition
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 sometimes creates jealousy in the
mind
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minds
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
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.
On the contrary
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, learning to
coperate
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cooperate
operate
 is useful in many ways. It helps to make
an
Change the article
a
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 useful adult. When a
child
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 learns to
coperate
Correct your spelling
cooperate
operate
corporate
, he will become more caring and empathetic towards
others
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. Cooperation is one of the most important skills, which is required in both personal and professional lives. A cooperative
child
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 is more courageous to help
others
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, and more prepared for his future.
For example
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, in Australia, students are taught to become cooperative because it helps them to shine in their future professional
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life
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lives
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.
Therefore
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, I believe that
children
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 should learn to cooperate. In conclusion,
while
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 instilling a sense of competition is important for a
child
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 to
become
Verb problem
apply
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succeed in
life
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, being cooperative is more important because it helps a
child
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 to become caring and empathetic.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
To enhance your task achievement score, try to incorporate more specific examples or evidence to support your points. This will make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Consider working on the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to improve coherence. This will make your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both views of the topic, providing a balanced discussion, which is crucial for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly crafted, providing a good frame for the essay.
coherence cohesion
You use a range of cohesive devices effectively to connect your ideas, contributing to the overall coherence.
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