IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Many people believe that the government should provide free healthcare for all citizens. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? Write at least 250 words.

#people #government #healthcare #citizens
A
plenty
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 proportion of society
believe
Change the verb form
believes
show examples
 that healthcare should be chargeless for all citizens. In
this
 essay I will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
two aspects of
this
 important
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
show examples
then
 I will
inform
Verb problem
give
show examples
opinion
Correct article usage
an opinion
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
 problem. On the one hand, some
people
 believe that poverty should not be
a
Correct article usage
the
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 main reason to prevent
people
 from being healthy.
Furthermore
, based on treatment costs which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 so high for some vital illnesses and specialists
such
 as
oculist
Fix the agreement mistake
oculists
show examples
 and
dermatologist
Fix the agreement mistake
dermatologists
show examples
,
people
 should not be
concern
Wrong verb form
concerned
show examples
 about the costs
instead
Correct word choice
but instead
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 on being focus on their cure process.
Although
 it might have a huge charge for
Correct article usage
the desire
show examples
desire
Wrong verb form
desired
show examples
 country or state.
However
, if the
government
 do not do
this
, they will spend that saved money on
train
Wrong verb form
training
show examples
 new manpower in a
desire
Change the verb form
desired
show examples
 way.
On the other hand
, the other portion
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 faith in, developing specialists for any qualification or providing appropriate and modern
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 might be expensive and it could be unreasonable for
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 to spend that enormous money on
this
 part of their country.
Moreover
, forcing
people
 to pay an insignificant part of their cure process could be very helpful for
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 to save
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
 money and spend it on
anther
Correct your spelling
another
show examples
 Crucial part of
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
. To sum it up, to consider
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
two different aspects of
this
 subject, from my point of view, it is so critical for
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 to provide free healthcare for
whole
Add an article
the whole
a whole
show examples
 society, despite of
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 conditions or type of
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
infection.
Submitted by mr.sadeghnezhadengineer on

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coherence cohesion
Try to introduce your main points more clearly in the introduction. Clarifying your stance at the beginning helps guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will enhance your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the essay flows logically. Linking words and phrases can help improve the coherence between and within paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument, showing the ability to consider different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
An attempt is made to offer a conclusion based on the arguments presented, which is crucial for essay coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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