Some people believe that advertisements aimed at children should be banned. Others argue that advertisements have a positive impact on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some individuals think that
children
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should not see any
advertisements
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while
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others believe that
children
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could be benefited from
advertisements
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.
While
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some people believe the former because
advertisements
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could educate some pupils, I agree with the latter because
advertisements
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could encourage the pupils to consume prohibited
products
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. Some
advertisements
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could be beneficial for kids if they are designed to be educational.
Due to
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the high number of media consumption among kids, educational
advertisements
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are effective in teaching kids.
For example
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, Kodomo, an Indonesian toothpaste brand, advertises its
products
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by teaching
children
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to brush their teeth regularly and properly, and because of that, many
children
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are starting to brush their teeth better.
However
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, I believe that
this
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type of advertisement is only applicable to a handful of brands.
Due to
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the fact that many
children
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do not have the proper level of emotional capacity,
advertisements
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could easily encourage
children
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to consume restricted
products
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. Basically, all
advertisements
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are designed to easily attract as many people as possible, including
children
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to buy their
products
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.
While
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the older generation has the capacity to consume
advertisements
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responsibly,
children
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lack the capacity to do so.
As a result
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, many
children
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are influenced to buy
products
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that could harm them.
For instance
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, The Indonesian government banned cigarette commercials on television because Indonesia has a high number of cigarette consumption among
children
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.
To conclude
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,
although
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advertisements
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could educate pupils to do good things, I believe that
advertisements
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aimed at
children
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should be banned because they could encourage
children
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to buy prohibited goods.
Submitted by aribawadzaki on

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task achievement
Try to make your stance clear in the introduction. It's important to clearly state your opinion at the beginning or end of the introduction to guide the reader.
task achievement
Ensure all your main points are fully developed. While your points are strong, developing them with more examples or explanations could enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
To improve the logical flow, use more transitional phrases between points or paragraphs. This will enhance the coherence of your argument.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views on advertising aimed at children and you clearly stated your own opinion.
task achievement
Provided relevant and specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your position and the main arguments presented, which contributes to a coherent and cohesive essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumerism
  • materialism
  • impressionable
  • manipulative
  • discern
  • navigate choices
  • informed consumers
  • potentially beneficial
  • health consequences
  • creative development
  • imaginative play
  • economic impact
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