IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #professionals #doctors #engineers #work #country
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The location where
professionals
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 should
work
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 is a disputable issue, with some
people
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believe
Wrong verb form
believing
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 that they should
work
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 in their training
country
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, the others think they can
work
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 in their desired
place
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. In my opinion,
professionals
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 have
their
Change the word
the
show examples
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
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 to decide their working spots. Some
people
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 may think working in
the
Correct article usage
a
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place
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 where they are familiar with can alleviate the potential challenges.
While
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 they already made
effort
Correct article usage
an effort
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 to get used to the environment, the
place
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 they received training may provide a comfy and relaxed atmosphere.
For example
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, before becoming a doctor, medical students will do their internship in an assigned hospital, which is mainly in their own
country
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. In
this
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 way, they can utilize the knowledge they learned with the known regulations that they were
teached
Correct your spelling
taught
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.
However
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, I believe that choosing the
country
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 they want to
work
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 can benefit the society the most.
First,
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when
people
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 want to go back to their hometown and devote their profession to the
country
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, they can follow their
wills
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will
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. Since some developing countries
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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lack
of
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apply
show examples
professional
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
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,
people
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 may leave their
home
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homes
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 to
persue
Correct your spelling
pursue
 higher education to become experts, who can disseminate their
knowledges
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knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
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 to give aid in medical and technological fields,
such
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 as being a doctor and an engineer.
In addition
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, it is
people
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's freedom to make
decision
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decisions
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 on where they should
work
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. If every
people
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 are required and
limitied
Correct your spelling
limited
 by the rules, they may not
work
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 with pleasure.
That is
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, working in a
place
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 where the
professionals
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 lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
interest may lead to unpleasant emotions
as well as
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 reluctant minds, which can contribute to mental problems like depression and anxiety. In conclusion, though some
people
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 believe it is better for
professionals
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 to
work
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 in the assigned area, I believe that working in the
place
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 they wish can reduce the urban-rural gap and reduce the possible mental illnesses
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 those
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by lovesonya0227 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the use of varied sentence structures to enhance readability and engage the reader.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support the main points presented in the arguments.
coherence cohesion
Refine the clarity of ideas in certain sections to enhance the coherence of your argument, potentially using linking words like 'furthermore', 'however', or 'moreover' strategically.
task achievement
The essay offers a balanced view of the topic by discussing both sides of the argument, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the issue.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay, with a clear introduction and conclusion, contributes to its overall coherence and presentation.
task achievement
The essay engages with relevant societal concerns, like the impact on developing countries, showcasing topical knowledge.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
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