IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

#children #pressures #perspectives #measures
It is commonly said that
children
 are facing many
pressures
. Nowadays they face lots of
pressures
 like academic, social and commercial. I personally believe that
children
 need to more care for their
parents
. And
parents
 have to take some action so that their
kids
 come out of
this
 situation. There are many academic
pressures
 on
children
. Today it is going out of control day by day that's why
children
 have to face these problems. Academic problem is the main problem of the
children
.
Kids
'
parents
 always pressure their
children
 for many reasons. One reason is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they send their
kids
 to the best schools for long hours with heavier bags and
then
 they
force
 them to pay the tuition.
Therefore
, they are
also
 pressured to complete their homework.
As a result
,
children
 face many stresses.
On the other hand
, social and commercial
pressures
 are a big problem for
children
. Socially, the
parents
 of
children
force
 them to adopt the local culture, but
children
 want to adopt the global culture. When their
parents
force
 them to adopt culture
then
 they do not reveal their talents. But they have enough talents.
On the other hand
, if their peers are buying goods, like the latest model mobile phone they want to buy a phone but they have enough money.
That is
 why they feel stressed. The solutions are not simple if their
parents
 do not support them. Every parent should support their
kids
 and behave as friendly.
Parents
 have to take more care of their
children
 so that they do not feel stressed.
In addition
,
parents
 should have to mentally support them and help them so that they can overcome their talents. Every parent should give time to their
children
.
Parents
 do not should to
force
 them anything. In conclusion,
children
 are facing more pressure, but we should take
a steps
Correct the article-noun agreement
steps
a step
show examples
 so that
children
 can grow their minds and feel independent.
Submitted by mdtipusultanakhand on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

development
Develop ideas more thoroughly in each paragraph to enhance clarity and depth. Expand on why these pressures exist and how they specifically affect children.
examples
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments, which will help in delivering a more convincing task response.
cohesion
Try to better connect your paragraphs with transition words or phrases to improve the logical flow of ideas.
structure
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main points effectively.
task response
Identifies a variety of pressures faced by children today, including academic, social, and commercial, demonstrating an understanding of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: