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Band 6.5

The pie charts compare how much the proportions of three fast-food outlets are favoured by teenagers in Vietnam and Indonesia in 2017 with projections for 2027.

The pie charts compare how much the proportions of three fast-food outlets are favoured by teenagers in Vietnam and Indonesia in 2017 with projections for 2027.
#proportions #three #fast-food #outlets #teenagers #vietnam #indonesia #projections
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This
 chart shows the
percentage
 of three fast-food outlets
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
liked by juveniles in
Vietnam
 and
Indonesia
 in 2017, and projections for 2017. From the two pie charts
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
2017
Add a comma
2017,
show examples
 we can see that KFC had the lowest
percentage
 in both two countries, with a
percentage
 of 4.1% in
Vietnam
 and 23.8% in
Indonesia
. Burger King
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the largest
poportion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of preference in
Vietnam
,
while
 in
Indonesia
 the most popular fast food restaurant is McDonald's, which
consisted
Wrong verb form
consists
show examples
60.8
Change preposition
of 60.8
show examples
%. The two charts in 2027
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 that McDonald's will become the fast-food outlets that have the largest proportion favoured by teenagers,
while
 in
Vietnam
 the second largest proportion will be Burger King which accounts for 39%, and with the smallest proportion in KFC which consists 6.3%.
However
, the least popular
fast-food
Correct your spelling
fast food
show examples
 in
Indonesia
 will be Burger King, which will have a
percentage
 of 12.3%, still almost twice as high as the figure of KFC
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
Vietnam
. In conclusion, the
percentage
 of McDonald's is expected to increase in
Vietnam
,
while
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreasing
show examples
 in
Indonesia
.
Submitted by dawn140140140140 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, vietnam, indonesia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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