Some people say that all people should stay in full-time education until they are at least 18. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no doubt that
education
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is crucial for
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
personal development;
however
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, people argue about the
nesessity
Correct your spelling
necessity

If you don’t want nesessity to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

for students under 18 years to stay full-time at
shools
Correct your spelling
schools

The word shools doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
. I support the idea that it has to be mandatory for all teenagers and in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay I will explain my thoughts.
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

with, full-time studying positively affects
on
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
student performance.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is because
all
Correct determiner usage
an

It seems that determiner use may be incorrect here.

show examples
day
Correct your spelling
all-day

The word day doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
presence at a school ensures the immersion in
learning
Correct article usage
the learning

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
proccess
Correct your spelling
process

If you don’t want proccess to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

,
however
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

spending
few
Correct article usage
a few

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
hours after work may not
garanty
Correct your spelling
guarantee
guaranty

If you don’t want garanty to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

the same
comprehantion
Correct your spelling
comprehension

If you don’t want comprehantion to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

of topics. As for
a evidence
Remove the article
evidence
a piece of evidence
a shred of evidence

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun evidence in your sentence. Consider removing it.

show examples
could be described
the
Change preposition
as the

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
situation in many developing countries, where students work and study
simultaniously
Correct your spelling
simultaneously

If you don’t want simultaniously to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

, not passing exams for years. Alternatively, if the linkage between full-time
education
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
performance was not true, youngsters would not attend schools at all.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, as
education
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is the best investment for
future
Correct article usage
the future

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
, youth should focus attention and spend full-time on the studying
proccess
Correct your spelling
process

If you don’t want proccess to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

. It is hard to deny, that
well educated
Add a hyphen
well-educated

It appears that well educated is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

show examples
people have
bigger
Correct word choice
higher

There may be an adjective issue here.

show examples
wages. Of
couse
Correct your spelling
course

If you don’t want couse to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

, the presence at a school all
time
Correct article usage
the time

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
is
Verb problem
does

There may be a verb use issue here.

show examples
not
garanty
Correct your spelling
guarantee
guaranty

If you don’t want garanty to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

success,
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

however
Add the comma(s)
however,

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter however. Consider adding the comma(s).

show examples
it increases
chances
Correct article usage
the chances

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
to find
Change preposition
of finding

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
well-paid
Add an article
a well-paid

The noun phrase well-paid job seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
job. As the contre example the situation where the majority of people, who studied
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time

It appears that part time is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

show examples
after work under 18 years, now have low-paid positions in companies. In conclusion, there are two main reasons why full-time staying at
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school

It seems that schools may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has

It seems that the verb have does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
to be
compulsary
Correct your spelling
compulsory

If you don’t want compulsary to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

.
First,
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

more
effecient
Correct your spelling
efficient

If you don’t want effecient to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

learning because of the focus on
consumption
Add an article
the consumption

The noun phrase consumption seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
of
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge

If you don’t want knowlege to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

.
Second,
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
education
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

for teenagers
the
Add a missing verb
is the

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

show examples
most important, it gives perspectives to grow
in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
Correct article usage
the carreer
show examples
Correct article usage
the carreer

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
carreer
Correct your spelling
career
ladder and have to cover the most productive hours in a day.
Submitted by sergeybelov83 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

linguistic
Try to minimize spelling mistakes. For example, 'nesessity' should be 'necessity', 'shools' should be 'schools', 'proccess' should be 'process', 'comprehantion' should be 'comprehension', 'simultaniously' should be 'simultaneously', 'garanty' should be 'guarantee', 'effecient' should be 'efficient', 'knowlege' should be 'knowledge', 'carreer' should be 'career'. Consider using tools like spell checkers.
coherence
Enhance coherence by using a wider range of linking words and phrases.
task assignment
Work on providing more varied and specific examples to strengthen your points.
structure
Introduction and conclusion are clearly presented and effectively encapsulate the main points.
coherence
The essay generally maintains a logical flow and progression of ideas.
task assignment
Main points are well supported and closely tied to the overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: