IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, education or shopping. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The narrative to minimize
traffic
Use synonyms
 in urban areas by implementing
mobility
Use synonyms
 restrictions recently is a hot discussion among citizens. Activity that supports
traffic
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as going to school or work
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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need to add some restrictions, for
sake
Correct article usage
the sake
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 of reducing
traffic
Use synonyms
. Objectively, there are some benefits,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 partly disagree with some extent for
this
Linking Words
 solution. First of all,
mobility
Use synonyms
 restriction will be beneficial to some extent.
By reducing
Change preposition
Reducing
show examples
a
Change the article
the
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 number of
vehicle
Change to a plural noun
vehicles
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can increase significantly
air
Correct article usage
the air
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 quality index in
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, during
pandemic
Add an article
a pandemic
the pandemic
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 era in 2020, all citizens in Jakarta, Indonesia were forced to reduce their
mobility
Use synonyms
. At that time, air quality was so good. It is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prove
Correct your spelling
proven
show examples
 by implementing
mobility
Use synonyms
 restrictions, the number of
emission
Change to a plural noun
emissions
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 can
be reduce
Change the verb form
be reduced
show examples
while
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 air quality will increase.
Conversely
Linking Words
, despite
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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 that
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been
mention
Wrong verb form
mentioned
show examples
 above,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 argue that
mobility
Use synonyms
 restriction is quite impractical. The main reason is that not all activity can be done from home.
Moreover
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, more disadvantages can occur when most citizens
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 forced to stay at home. We can recall what the impact happened during
covid-19
Correct article usage
the covid-19
show examples
 era.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the number of divorce cases increased dramatically.
As a result
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, the happiness index in Indonesia started to decrease.
Instead
Linking Words
, the government is required to produce public goods
such
Linking Words
 as public transportation. Railway in the greater Jakarta area is
proven
Correct article usage
a proven
show examples
 solution that can reduce
traffic
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
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,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe
this
Linking Words
 initiative will bring more disadvantages rather than benefits.
Furtheremore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, The authorities should give more attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 public transportation
that is
Linking Words
 reliable, accessible and affordable for all people.

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task achievement
Make sure to fully engage with the question. Although you provide some interesting points, you could discuss more varied methods to reduce city traffic aside from mobility restrictions to create a more balanced and comprehensive argument.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has an overall logical structure, it could benefit from a clearer organization of ideas. Try to ensure that each paragraph presents a distinct point and supports it with examples or reasoning that aligns directly with the topic statement.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a fairly clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your discussion and providing closure.
task achievement
You provide a relevant real-world example by referring to the situation in Jakarta during the pandemic, which helps to illustrate your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commuting patterns
  • Remote work
  • Telecommuting
  • E-learning platforms
  • E-commerce
  • Urban planning
  • Public transportation
  • Infrastructure development
  • Green spaces
  • Pedestrianization
  • Carbon footprint
  • Sustainable living
  • Carpooling
  • Cycle lanes
  • Mixed-use development
  • Teleconference
  • Urban sprawl
  • Zoning regulations
  • Traffic congestion
  • City logistics
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