The use of phones, tablets, and other devices when people are walking in public is causing concern among many commentators. What dangers may arise when people focus on such devices when walking in the street? How could these problems be reduced?
The use of phones, tablets, and other electronic
devices
while
walking on the road
is a matter of concern among many people
. It can cause dangers of causing an accident,
and being fined by Remove the comma
apply
traffic
police
. These problems can be reduced by raising awareness among people
,
and implementing strict Remove the comma
apply
traffic
rules
.
Using electronic devices
when walking on the road
can cause a serious accident. It is because a person
cannot pay attention to his safety when scrolling device
, and crossing the Correct article usage
a device
road
at the same time. It can take a valuable life, cause lifetime disability, and any other serious physical harm of
that Change preposition
to
person
. Moreover
, if a person
uses device
Correct article usage
a device
while
walking, he an
be fined by Correct your spelling
can
police
. It is a violation of Correct article usage
the police
trafic
Correct your spelling
traffic
rules
, and police
can fine him a huge amount of money. Correct article usage
the police
For example
, in Australia, using phone
Correct article usage
a phone
while
crossing the road
is a violation of traffic
, and if someoene
Correct your spelling
someone
do
that, and Correct subject-verb agreement
does
caught
by Add a missing verb
is caught
police
, he has to pay a huge amount of fine.
Correct article usage
the police
This
problem can be solved by raising awareness among public
. The Add an article
the public
government
and other organizations can arrange campaigns about road
safety, and encourage people
not to use phones, tablets, and other devices
while
on the the road
. Furthermore
, the government
can implement strict traffic
rules
for not using devices
while
walking on the road
. Those people
who will violate the rules
should be imprisoned and find
. Wrong verb form
found
For instance
, in Bangladesh, the government
has implemented six months imprisonment, if someone uses mobile
phone when on the Correct article usage
a mobile
road
. This
rule has reduced the trend of using devices
on the road
significantly.
In conclusion, using electronic devices
when walking on the road
causes danger to the person
's life and the person
may have to pay a huge fine. The government
can raise awareness through campaigns,
and can put strict Remove the comma
apply
rules
to tackle this
problem.Submitted by rahman_rehana on
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coherence
Consider ensuring complete clarity in your sentences, as some parts may seem slightly unclear or awkward. For example, using clearer transitions between ideas in paragraph two could help enhance coherence.
task
Although the essay presents relevant examples, consider including a balance of broader arguments and more local examples to provide a comprehensive picture.
task
The essay effectively addresses both parts of the question by identifying dangers and proposing solutions.
coherence
The introduction and conclusion are clear and well-structured, providing a good frame for the essay.
task
Specific examples, such as those from Australia and Bangladesh, enhance the relevance and specificity of your arguments.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite