More and more people are using computer and electric devices to access information, therefore there is no need for printed books, magazines and newspapers on paper. To what extent do y ou agree or disagree?

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Some
people
believe that many
people
are using
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
and other electronic
devices
to access
information
, so printed
books
,
magazines
and
newspaper
Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
show examples
are no longer needed. I personally disagree with
this
viewpoint because I believe that printed
books
and
newspaper
Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
show examples
have an appeal which is invaluable, and these are not harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
eyes like smart
devices
. Printed
books
,
magazines
, and newspapers have an appeal which cannot be ignored.
People
used to read them in the past to access
information
, knowledge and news. Some
people
are still utilizing them because they remind them
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
good old days. It is a feeling that our parents and grandparents used to read printed items, and we are still continuing it.
For example
, in Japan, some individuals among the young generation prefer reading
magazines
and
books
for
information
instead
of searching
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
, because they love to continue the
lagacy
Correct your spelling
legacy
of their grandparents.
Moreover
, computers and electronic
devices
are harmful
for
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to
show examples
health. They create pressure on
eyes
Correct article usage
the eyes
show examples
after watching for a certain period. If someone
seaches
Correct your spelling
searches
or reads
information
on
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
or smartphone, he will face trouble after watching
at
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for at
show examples
least one hour.
Therefore
, these
devices
are not always convenient for searching
information
Change preposition
for information
show examples
.
For instance
, in Australia, children are encouraged to read newspapers and
magazines
to search
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for infomation
show examples
infomation
Correct your spelling
information
instead
of smart
devices
, because they do not put pressure
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
their eyes. In conclusion, I disagree with the statement that newspapers and
magazines
are no longer needed. These are still necessary
for
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apply
show examples
today because they have that old valuable appeal, and they are not detrimental to eye health.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
Develop your main points more thoroughly by providing additional explanations or examples. For instance, when discussing the health benefits of printed materials, consider explaining the impacts in more detail and maybe comparing them with digital devices.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the overall flow. Try using linking words or transitional phrases to improve the connection between your ideas.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and a strong conclusion, effectively summarizing your viewpoint.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples, such as those from Japan and Australia, to support your arguments.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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