IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people are using computer and electric devices to access information, therefore there is no need for printed books, magazines and newspapers on paper. To what extent do y ou agree or disagree?

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that many
people
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 are using
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 and other electronic
devices
Use synonyms
 to access
information
Use synonyms
, so printed
books
Use synonyms
,
magazines
Use synonyms
 and
newspaper
Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
show examples
 are no longer needed. I personally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint because I believe that printed
books
Use synonyms
 and
newspaper
Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
show examples
 have an appeal which is invaluable, and these are not harmful
for
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to
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 eyes like smart
devices
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. Printed
books
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,
magazines
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, and newspapers have an appeal which cannot be ignored.
People
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 used to read them in the past to access
information
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, knowledge and news. Some
people
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 are still utilizing them because they remind them
the
Change preposition
of the
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 good old days. It is a feeling that our parents and grandparents used to read printed items, and we are still continuing it.
For example
Linking Words
, in Japan, some individuals among the young generation prefer reading
magazines
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 and
books
Use synonyms
 for
information
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instead
Linking Words
 of searching
Add an article
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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, because they love to continue the
lagacy
Correct your spelling
legacy
 of their grandparents.
Moreover
Linking Words
, computers and electronic
devices
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 are harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 health. They create pressure on
eyes
Correct article usage
the eyes
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 after watching for a certain period. If someone
seaches
Correct your spelling
searches
 or reads
information
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 on
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
 or smartphone, he will face trouble after watching
at
Change preposition
for at
show examples
 least one hour.
Therefore
Linking Words
, these
devices
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 are not always convenient for searching
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information
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for information
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Australia, children are encouraged to read newspapers and
magazines
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 to search
Change preposition
for infomation
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infomation
Correct your spelling
information
instead
Linking Words
 of smart
devices
Use synonyms
, because they do not put pressure
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their eyes. In conclusion, I disagree with the statement that newspapers and
magazines
Use synonyms
 are no longer needed. These are still necessary
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
today because they have that old valuable appeal, and they are not detrimental to eye health.

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task achievement
Develop your main points more thoroughly by providing additional explanations or examples. For instance, when discussing the health benefits of printed materials, consider explaining the impacts in more detail and maybe comparing them with digital devices.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the overall flow. Try using linking words or transitional phrases to improve the connection between your ideas.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and a strong conclusion, effectively summarizing your viewpoint.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples, such as those from Japan and Australia, to support your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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