IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age. Is this a positive or negative development?

#countries #companies #job #applicants #age #development
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In some nations, it is illegal
hence
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 the
reason
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 why some
companies
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 reject
job
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applicants
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 is their
age
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. In my perspective, I think
this
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 is a positive development since
this
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 phenomenon may reduce some pressures on the
government
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 and society.
To begin
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 with, when in some countries, the main
reason
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 why it is illegal for
companies
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 to decline
job
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applicants
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 based on their
age
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 is that creates fairness for everyone, every
age
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 group about
job
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 opportunities. Nowadays, in the modern world,
job
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 performance is rated based on efficiency rather than
age
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, which is the
reason
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 why employers should not reject
job
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 candidates for their
age
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.
For example
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,
although
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 some freshers do not have any experience, they are extremely creative and hard-working and may be better than some
people
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 who in working
age
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.
Moreover
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, some old
people
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 who have a lot of valuable experience will have a chance to apply to some
companies
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 and use their knowledge to improve that business.
That is
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 the
reason
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 why denying
job
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 candidates for their
age
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 is illegal.
In addition
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, if it is illegal for
companies
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 to deny
job
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applicants
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 for their
age
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, it can lead to some burden on the
government
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 and society. When there are more
people
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 who cannot have jobs
due to
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 rejection based on their
age
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, the percentage of unemployed
people
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 in society increases significantly. It causes an increase in the crime rate. Because
people
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 out of work may not have enough ability and money to pay their bills, they will become robbers in order to get money.
Moreover
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, when old
people
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 do not have jobs, the
government
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 needs to help them through welfare or pension.
This
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 can make
government
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 more pressure and it is so difficult to improve the economy. To sum it up, preventing
companies
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 from rejecting
applicants
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 for their
age
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 is extremely useful in some nations nowadays. Because it allows for equal opportunities and encourages a balanced workforce between experiences and knowledge.
Submitted by nguyenhoanganhquan918 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that all main points are directly aligned with the central argument. This will help strengthen the logical flow of your essay and improve coherence.
task achievement
Develop your ideas further with more comprehensive examples and explanations to clearly convey your point of view.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in guiding the reader through your argument.
task achievement
You successfully address the task and provide reasons why the policy of not rejecting applicants for their age is positive. This demonstrates a clear understanding of the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • age diversity
  • combat age discrimination
  • job opportunities
  • experienced individuals
  • vast knowledge
  • suboptimal hiring decisions
  • legal compliance
  • reverse discrimination
  • operational costs
  • health insurance
What to do next:
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