IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In the modern world, many employees lack soft skills such as communication and working in teams. What are the main causes of this problem? What are the effects of the lack of such skills? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays, there are an increasing number of employees that are lacking
non-congnitive
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non-cognitive
skills
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such
Linking Words
 as communication
skill
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skills
show examples
, team-working
skill
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skills
show examples
,
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and creactivity
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creactivity
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creativity
, to name but a few.
This
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 essay
is aim
Wrong verb form
aims
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 to examine the rationales behind
this
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 issue and illustrate the influence of the lack of
such
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skills
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. To commence with, one of the underlying
reason
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reasons
show examples
 why employees are lacking of soft
skills
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 is that these
kind
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kinds
show examples
 of
skills
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 are difficult to teach, especially in Asian countries
such
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 as China and
Korean
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Korea
show examples
.
Due to
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 the examination-oriented
eduaction
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education
 system, most, if not all of the people in
such
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 countries cannot develop their own soft
skills
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 effectively.
For example
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, people in Hong Kong put much effort and considerable time
in
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into
show examples
 doing past
paper
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papers
show examples
, training exam
skills
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,
participating
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and participating
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tutorial
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in tutorial
show examples
class
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classes
show examples
.
Therefore
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, there is less, if not no time left for them to cultivate their non-cognitive
skills
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, which cannot be taught in
Add an article
the textbook
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textbook
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textbooks
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,
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or tuturial
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tuturial
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tutorial
class
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classes
show examples
. For that reason, when they enter their workplaces, it
has
Verb problem
is
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 no coincidence that they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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lack
of
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apply
show examples
soft
skills
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. Worse still, there are some ramifications of the lack of
such
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skills
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. The most
dominent
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dominant
 one is that their
competiveness
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competitiveness
 will be decreased
due to
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 the degeneration of the university degree. As university graduates are ubiquitous in the impending 21st
centry
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century
, many companies will not only look for your educational level,but they will
also
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 tend to look for your soft
skills
Use synonyms
 since everyone
need
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needs
show examples
 to cooperate with each other in their workplaces.
For instance
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, when I work at a commercial company, I need to collaborate with my
assitanst
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assistant
 and my teammate in order to give a flawless proposal to my boss.
Therefore
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, without the
well
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
development of
the
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apply
show examples
soft
skills
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, seldom will a person get employed.
To sum up
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, on top of
priortising
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prioritising
prioritizing
 academic performance, the cultivation of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
soft
skills
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 cannot be overlooked. With the
nuturing
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nurturing
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
soft
skills
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, it is my fervent conviction that it will significantly bolster one's
competiveness
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competitiveness
 when someone
want
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wants
show examples
 to look for a job.

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introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the main points you will discuss. This is a strong start to your essay. In the future, consider refining your thesis statement to be more concise and specific about the points you will cover.
logical structure
Ensure each paragraph logically follows from the previous one to improve coherence. Make sure your ideas are clearly connected and easy to follow for the reader. Use transition words to guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
supported main points
You provide reasons and examples to support your argument, which demonstrates a good grasp of the task. Try to develop your points with even more specific examples or statistical data to enhance the strength of your argument.
complete response
You have presented a complete response to the task, addressing both causes and effects. Well done for clearly linking your arguments to the task.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion is effective and clearly summarizes your main points. This helps reinforce your argument and leaves a strong, positive impression.
relevant specific examples
You include relevant examples from your experience, like mentioning your work in a commercial company. This personal touch adds depth to your points.
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