Some people say that the best way to improve health is by increasing the number of sports facilities.Others,However,say that this woud have little effect on public health and that other measure are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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These days when you turn on the TV or
fleck
Verb problem
look

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through the pages of
news papers
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newspapers

The word news papers seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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, you will see the news about
health
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problems and different
measure
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measures

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presented by
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health
Add an article
the health

The noun phrase health department seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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department for improvement in
this
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regard, whether
its
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it's

The word its doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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from
sports
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facilities or other activities. The question arises in our mind, How can
sports
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help in improving
health
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and what are the other steps in
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

regard? I completely agree with the ideas and will support my opinion in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay with examples. Commencing
to
Change preposition
with

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the first idea, many
individual
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individuals

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believe that if the government wants to work for the betterment of the
health
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of the inhabitants,
than
Replace the word
then

The word than may be used incorrectly. Review the following notes to determine the appropriate usage for your context.

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it should introduce
sports
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in the region. As different
sports
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

activities
level-up
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level up

The word level-up doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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the intellectual and
congetive
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cognitive
congestive

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abilities of the
people
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, which makes their performance
standarized
Correct your spelling
standardized

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.
Besides
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

good for making one physically strong and fit.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in a group of
athletics
Replace the word
athletes

The word athletics doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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and ordinary
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, you will easily see that the one who is connected to the
sports
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

will perform
actively
Correct quantifier usage
more actively

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

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than the ordinary one.
Moreover
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, It is
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

assumed by many
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

around the world that for improvement in
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Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

health
Add an article
the health

The noun phrase health seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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of the residents, the
health
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and care sector should
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

focus on the other measures as well. Like spreading awareness about the benefits of the
exercises
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
As
Correct word choice
Exercises

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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exercises
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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baises
Correct your spelling
basis
biases

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will
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

make
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

mentally strong and physically fit.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, proper balance
dite
Correct your spelling
diet

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is
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

necessary. Proper
protines
Correct your spelling
proteins

If you don’t want protines to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

, calories and vitamins in best for the growth of
Correct article usage
the human's
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human's
Change noun form
human

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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body.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,no doubt
sports
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is useful but it carries individuals interest in it, but
according to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

my assumption daily
exercises
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and proper
nutritions
Correct your spelling
nutrition

The word nutritions doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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have more benefits than anything else.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is
cleared
Replace the word
clear

The word cleared doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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from the above arguments that other measures like
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise

It seems that exercises may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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and
nutritions
Fix the agreement mistake
nutrition

It seems that nutritions may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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have more benefits, than engaging
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in
sports
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

as it is an illusion, to grab the attention of
Correct article usage
the entrie
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entrie
Correct your spelling
entire

If you don’t want entrie to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

population towards
sports
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more clearly. The essay has a logical flow, but sometimes it feels a bit disjointed. Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that ties it back to the main argument.
Task Achievement
Pay attention to verb tenses and subject-verb agreement to improve grammatical accuracy. For example, "whether its from sports facilities or other activities" should be "whether it’s from sports facilities or other activities."
Task Achievement
Try to include specific examples or studies to strongly support your argument, particularly in discussing how sports facilities might directly influence health benefits over general exercise or nutrition.
Introduction
The introduction clearly addresses the topic and sets up the discussion of both viewpoints effectively.
Supported Main Points
You provide a balanced view by acknowledging both the benefits of sports facilities and other health measures, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the argument and clearly states your opinion, which ties together the essay nicely.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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