Some people say that the best way to improve health is by increasing the number of sports facilities.Others,However,say that this woud have little effect on public health and that other measure are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
These days when you turn on the TV or
fleck
through the pages of Verb problem
look
news papers
, you will see the news about Correct your spelling
newspapers
health
problems and different measure
presented by Fix the agreement mistake
measures
health
department for improvement in Add an article
the health
this
regard, whether its
from Correct your spelling
it's
sports
facilities or other activities. The question arises in our mind, How can sports
help in improving health
and what are the other steps in this
regard? I completely agree with the ideas and will support my opinion in this
essay with examples.
Commencing to
the first idea, many Change preposition
with
individual
believe that if the government wants to work for the betterment of the Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
health
of the inhabitants, than
it should introduce Replace the word
then
sports
in the region. As different sports
activities level-up
the intellectual and Correct your spelling
level up
congetive
abilities of the Correct your spelling
cognitive
congestive
people
, which makes their performance standarized
. Correct your spelling
standardized
Besides
, it is also
good for making one physically strong and fit. For instance
, in a group of athletics
and ordinary Replace the word
athletes
people
, you will easily see that the one who is connected to the sports
will perform actively
than the ordinary one.
Correct quantifier usage
more actively
Moreover
, It is also
assumed by many people
around the world that for improvement in health
of the residents, the Add an article
the health
health
and care sector should also
focus on the other measures as well. Like spreading awareness about the benefits of the exercises
. As
Correct word choice
Exercises
exercises
on daily
Correct article usage
a daily
baises
will Correct your spelling
basis
biases
also
make people
mentally strong and physically fit. Furthermore
, proper balance dite
is Correct your spelling
diet
also
necessary. Proper protines
, calories and vitamins in best for the growth of Correct your spelling
proteins
Correct article usage
the human's
human's
body.
Change noun form
human
However
,no doubt sports
is useful but it carries individuals interest in it, but according to
my assumption daily exercises
and proper nutritions
have more benefits than anything else.
Correct your spelling
nutrition
Hence
, it is cleared
from the above arguments that other measures like Replace the word
clear
exercises
and Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
nutritions
have more benefits, than engaging Fix the agreement mistake
nutrition
people
in sports
as it is an illusion, to grab the attention of Correct article usage
the entrie
entrie
population towards Correct your spelling
entire
sports
.Submitted by hadiyanasir73 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more clearly. The essay has a logical flow, but sometimes it feels a bit disjointed. Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that ties it back to the main argument.
Task Achievement
Pay attention to verb tenses and subject-verb agreement to improve grammatical accuracy. For example, "whether its from sports facilities or other activities" should be "whether it’s from sports facilities or other activities."
Task Achievement
Try to include specific examples or studies to strongly support your argument, particularly in discussing how sports facilities might directly influence health benefits over general exercise or nutrition.
Introduction
The introduction clearly addresses the topic and sets up the discussion of both viewpoints effectively.
Supported Main Points
You provide a balanced view by acknowledging both the benefits of sports facilities and other health measures, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the argument and clearly states your opinion, which ties together the essay nicely.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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