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Band 6

Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extent do you agree? Write at least 250 words.

#people #children #world #work #schools #teenagers #time #subjects
It is conventionally accepted by society to consider that youths do not understand the world of work
,
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apply
show examples
 and that schools ought to be involved in ensuring pupils spend little
time
 working and learning. I totally disagree with
this
 statement.
Firstly
, schools pay little attention to teaching;
that is
 why the main problem is the duration of studying. The more
time
 pupils spend learning certain subjects, the more skills they will
have
Verb problem
be
show examples
, required for a certain kind of work.
Moreover
, insufficient
time
 is spent on each topic.
For example
, school employees may explain a specific concept of math as it seems to them good enough, but
students
 do not comprehend
because
Correct pronoun usage
it because
show examples
 they need more
time
 to be spent on it.
Therefore
,
this
 is one of the major factors that influence
students
' understanding, and school employees should pay more attention to a particular topic if
students
 have not fully figured it out.
Secondly
, no less significant problem is the lack of practice. Nowadays, the young generation is addicted to believing that only skills and proper education will
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
 their expectations. But no less important a role is played by teachers, who have to make their apprentices practice the accomplishments they have acquired during classes.
In addition
,
students
 should be interested in self-practice, because lessons at school are not always enough to hone their skills.
For instance
, teenagers should take self-organizational and self-motivational actions to obtain better outcomes in future jobs. In
this
 case, teachers have to support
students
,
whereas
 learners must motivate themselves in order to reach the specific aims they want. In conclusion, there are two factors that are considered to play a key role in children's understanding of the world of work.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will enhance your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion explicitly summarizes your opinion and main points. This will give a sense of completeness to your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You clearly stated your position and maintained it throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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