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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extent do you agree?

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Introduction
In a number of countries, children struggle to comprehend the work environment, and many people assert that schools should implement
education
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 that merges both theoretical and practical aspects. There are many compelling reasons to justify
such
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 a viewpoint, and I mostly agree with it.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, incorporating a dual
education
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 system enhances information retention by allowing students to apply theoretical concepts in real-world environments.
As a result
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, learners not only master core concepts more quickly, enabling them to grasp complex ideas, but
also
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 develop practical problem-solving skills that pure academic instruction cannot provide.
For example
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, students in technical programs like engineering or culinary arts absorb complex procedures far more effectively when
practicing
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practising
show examples
 them alongside seasoned professionals in real workplace settings.
This
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 hands-on exposure transforms abstract academic lessons into useful workplace skills.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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, having previous experience in the working field gives an individual higher chances of employment.
That is
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 because nowadays, many modern employers view prior practical experience as an essential prerequisite for hiring prospective workers.
Additionally
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, teenagers with a strong technical background are
prioritized
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prioritised
show examples
 in the job market, unlike their peers who have yet to adapt to the professional work environment.
For instance
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, countries
utilizing
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utilising
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 strong dual
education
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 models,
such
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 as Germany and Switzerland, consistently report lower youth unemployment rates compared to traditional academic-only systems.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, integrating practical work experience into academic
education
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 provides indispensable benefits for teenagers. I believe that by reinforcing classroom concepts through real-world practice and elevating future employability,
such
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 a dual model effectively prepares young individuals for the demands of the modern workforce.

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task response
Your view is clear: you mostly agree. To make it even stronger, say why you do not fully agree. For example, some work may be too hard, unsafe, or take too much time from study. Then explain that schools should choose short, safe work times.
task response
Your main ideas are good and stay on the topic. Add one more clear detail about how schools can do this, such as work shadowing, a one-week placement, or help from local shops and firms.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, two main paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph has one main point, which makes the writing easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The links between ideas are clear, but you use words such as 'Firstly', 'Furthermore', and 'Additionally' quite often. You can also link ideas by using words from the last sentence of one point in the next sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and have many ideas. Break a few of them into two shorter sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily.
task response
You answer all parts of the question and give a clear view from the start to the end.
task response
Your examples about technical study and Germany and Switzerland are useful and fit your main points well.
coherence and cohesion
The order of your ideas is strong: learning gains first, then job gains, followed by a short conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Topic sentences such as 'Firstly' and 'Furthermore' make the purpose of each main paragraph clear.
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