Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extent do you agree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →

Nowadays, many people argue that educational institutions should not just teach children theory, but

also

Linking Words

introduce them to the world of

work

Use synonyms

for educational purposes. I completely agree with

this

Linking Words

view. I believe that compulsory

work

Use synonyms

experience is needed because it provides essential

life

Use synonyms

skills

Use synonyms

and

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

also

Linking Words

helps children make better

life

Use synonyms

choices, which is a crucial aspect for their future careers.

Firstly

Linking Words

, schools focus more on theory, but with these working hours, children can see how things

work

Use synonyms

in practice. It helps them develop soft

skills

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as communication with clients, teamwork, and time management.

For example

Linking Words

, a teenager working in a local shop learns how to speak to people in a professional way, how to

work

Use synonyms

under pressure, and how to manage a strict schedule. These

skills

Use synonyms

cannot be learned just by reading textbooks.

Furthermore

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

experience provides financial literacy. Many teenagers do not understand the value of money because they rely on their parents. Many of them tend to spend money carelessly.

However

Linking Words

, when they receive their own paycheck, they understand how hard it is to make a living. To exemplify, when a student has to

work

Use synonyms

for hours just to buy food or a piece of clothing, they learn to budget and spend responsibly.

This

Linking Words

teaches them to respect both their own effort and their parents' hard

work

Use synonyms

. In conclusion, I strongly believe that schools should make teenagers

work

Use synonyms

for a short time.

This

Linking Words

practice will influence their decisions about their career, giving them a helpful hand to understand what job they want to choose in the near future.

In addition

Linking Words

, it teaches them practical

skills

Use synonyms

not only for their professional

life

Use synonyms

, but

also

Linking Words

for everyday

life

Use synonyms

. It is a necessary step to help students grow into mature adults.

acaitaz

Oct 7, 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

Add one more idea about how work time can help teens know real jobs better.

task response

Explain your examples a bit more, so the reader can see why they strongly support your main point.

task response

You answer the question well, but you should show the other side a little before you disagree or agree fully.

coherence and cohesion

Use linking words carefully. Some are good, but a few sentences can join more smoothly.

coherence and cohesion

Keep one clear main idea in each body paragraph. The second paragraph has two ideas: work skills and money skills.

coherence and cohesion

Some sentences are a little long. Shorter sentences can make your meaning clearer.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a clear conclusion.

coherence and cohesion

Your main ideas are easy to follow, and the order of ideas is logical.

task response

You answer the question directly and keep your opinion clear from start to end.

task response

You use relevant examples, like work in a local shop and getting a paycheck.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

293 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
Developing countries should be encouraged to implement high tariffs to grow their local industries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In recent years, there has been considerable debate regarding whether developing countries should impose high tariffs to protect and nurture local industries. While there are compelling arguments in favor of this approach, on balance, such a strategy may not always be the most effective solution for fostering sustainable economic growth.
6
band
More and more young people are watching real-life violence due to the growth of online videos on social networks. This could cause societal problems in the future. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer.
The growth of social media platforms, such as YouTube and Vimeo, has led to a wide range of video content including actual violence becoming readily available to view. Some believe that exposing young people to this kind of content may have a negative impact on society in the future. However, I would argue that this issue is less to do with the online content itself and more to do with parental responsibility and the way we as a society view violence.
6.5
band
Genetic engineering is an important issue in society today. Some people think that it will improve people’s lives in many ways. Others feel that it may be a threat to life on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Genetic engineering has been considered a controversial problem in recent decades. Although some people raise concerns about its potential threats,
7
band
Write a letter to the hotel manager to inform, you are coming with a group of people to have a business meeting at his hotel. - Introduce yourself and the group. - Tell about the business meeting. - Inform if accommodation is necessary.
I hope you are doing well. I am writing this letter to inform you about the business meeting at your hotel.
6
band
We have become a throw-away society, preferring to buy new products rather than reparing the existing items. What do you think are the reasons? How can this trend be reversed?
It is common in these days to witness the growing trend of buying new products instead of repairing the current items, making the society have become a throw-away one. In my perspective, there are numerous reasons to explain this phenomenon and many solutions to reverse this trend.

Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extent do you agree?

Developing countries should be encouraged to implement high tariffs to grow their local industries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

More and more young people are watching real-life violence due to the growth of online videos on social networks. This could cause societal problems in the future. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer.

Genetic engineering is an important issue in society today. Some people think that it will improve people’s lives in many ways. Others feel that it may be a threat to life on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Write a letter to the hotel manager to inform, you are coming with a group of people to have a business meeting at his hotel. - Introduce yourself and the group. - Tell about the business meeting. - Inform if accommodation is necessary.

We have become a throw-away society, preferring to buy new products rather than reparing the existing items. What do you think are the reasons? How can this trend be reversed?