IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people say that economic development is necessary to reduce povert in the world. Others say economic growth should be stopped immediately to stop damaging the environment. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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It is said by some that developing economies play an important role in reducing poverty.
Whereas
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 others say that, to stop destroying the environment, economic growth should be stopped suddenly. In my opinion, the world of capitalism can affect people's lives both positively and negatively. It is undeniable that capitalism encourages people to put their effort into living their lives. Without
this
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 progress, we humans might still have been in a cave, feeding ourselves by fish.
In addition
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, economic development is an efficient system to distribute all the money in the world equally. With
this
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 fair distribution, those who can barely be in a capital competition can still survive. To illustrate
further
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, a poll recently conducted by the New York Times revealed that two-thirds of American citizens admit to lacking the ability to earn a living unless the country's economic system has been turned into communism.
Nevertheless
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, Economic growth does damage almost all the environment because developing factories and companies need natural resources like oil or electricity to fulfil the process. Worse, civilization leads to a huge number of pollution, either air or power.
This
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 is mainly because of the poor prevention system provided by the government.
For instance
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,
according to
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 a recent study from the Faculty of Economics, at Harvard University, 80% of U.S. firms leaked their waste into public water filtration systems every year.
This
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 has caused the country to waste at least 20 million dollars a year.
To conclude
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, economic development does lead to both positive and negative effects. Personally, I think that it can not only encourage people's will to live but
also
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 distribute all the capital equally.
On the other hand
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, it can both damage our surroundings and be a big cause of pollution.

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Task Response
Your response effectively addresses both sides of the argument, but it could benefit from further elaboration on how economic development can reduce poverty.
Task Response
Ensure that examples are directly linked to the main points to enhance clarity and relevance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between ideas to improve the logical flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments, which will strengthen your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a distinct introduction and conclusion, providing a balanced discussion.
Task Achievement
You have presented a clear opinion and addressed the question effectively, covering both sides of the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay maintains a logical sequence, making it easy for the reader to follow your reasoning.
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