In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Somepeople say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
In recent years, as healthcare improved, more and more
people
gained a longer lifespan than ever before, particularly in large cities in the developed world. While
some contend that population
aging
brings several benefits to the public, I believe that the drawbacks outweigh the advantages.
On the one hand, Change the spelling
ageing
population
aging
indeed offers some benefits. Change the spelling
ageing
Firstly
, the old employee provides abundant knowledge, working experience, and wisdom. For instance
, as opposed to the freshmen, the old staff is familiar with the work
environment and able to tackle the work
problems without intense, which can lead the new employee adopt to the jobs immediately. Ample experience allows old staff to keep calm and patient on different occasions. Moreover
, the old staff increases employment and promotes economic growth. As people
become old, a large number of health issues will occur. In order to satisfy these requirements, different organizations will create positions in the hospital, treatment department, and healthcare. As a result
, boosting industries development
and increasing economic development
.
However
, I would argue that the drawbacks of population
aging
outweigh the benefits. Change the spelling
ageing
To begin
with, population
aging
increases put pressure on government funds. Because of a large number of the older, numerous taxes and money are put into healthcare and hospitals Change the spelling
ageing
instead
of additional essential infrastructure, which will lead to imperfect basic services and stressful government taxes. In addition
, population
aging
will lead to a shortage of positions and posts. Most jobs are stable and unchangeable, as Change the spelling
ageing
people
living longer now, vacancies can’t satisfy the increasing employment demands and lots of people
can’t afford their lives. As a result
, it will lead to market saturation and the unbalanced development
of the industry.
In conclusion, although
population
aging
offers advantages like providing Change the spelling
ageing
work
experience and increasing employment, the drawbacks of raising the stress on government funds and increasing the short
of working positions are indispensable. I firmly believe that the balance of Replace the word
shortage
work
and life with population
aging
is crucial for our society and economic Change the spelling
ageing
development
.Submitted by fiasngs on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, you could enhance clarity by providing more distinct transitions between opposing views in each paragraph.
task achievement
While you have addressed the main aspects of the topic, consider providing specific examples or statistics to better support your arguments. This will make your points more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure all examples are entirely relevant to the point you are making. For instance, you mentioned industry development and healthcare jobs but didn't directly tie it to specific aging population needs.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains a clear and logical structure, which helps the reader to follow your argument easily.
task achievement
You successfully introduced both sides of the argument, weighing the advantages and disadvantages of an aging population.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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