Adults do very less exercise these days. Some people think that showing sporting events on the television such as Olympics and international tournaments can be the best way to encourage adults to do exercise. Others believe there are other effective ways to do so. Discuss both views and state your opinion. Support with relevant examples.
In contemporary society, grown-up individuals perform few physical
activities
in current days. Some individual
consider that presenting physical occasions on Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
the
variety of Correct article usage
a
media
such
as Olympics
and international Correct article usage
the Olympics
tournamets
can be the ideal approach to influence adults to perform Correct your spelling
tournaments
exercise
. Add an article
the exercise
an exercise
This
essay will explore both perspective
and provide my opinion on Change to a plural noun
perspectives
this
matter.
On the one hand, in
Change preposition
apply
modern
society Add an article
a modern
facing
considerable hardship Wrong verb form
faces
while
performing physical activity during their normal life. There are several reasons behind this
sedenatary
lifestyle, Correct your spelling
sedentary
due to
the fact the several barriers approched
in terms of engagingCorrect your spelling
approached
a
sport or daily exercise. Change preposition
in a
Although
multiple gadgets being use
to mitigate time consumption of daily tasks, Change the verb form
being used
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
prevents
from involving to take some actions that Correct subject-verb agreement
prevent
were given
dramatical effects Wrong verb form
have
to
personal well-being. Change preposition
on
For instance
, gardening in your home provide
multiple exercises which enable Change the verb form
provides
person
to Add an article
a person
the person
trimming
grass by using manual work and they Change the verb form
trim
required
Wrong verb form
require
better
physical balance Correct article usage
a better
to
Change preposition
apply
the
life. At Correct article usage
apply
persent
, there are several Correct your spelling
present
machinery
being used to perform those similar Change to a plural noun
machineries
activities
until few
decades ago, and Change the article
a few
that
mitigate Correct pronoun usage
apply
activites
usually huge reduction in Correct your spelling
activities
the
personal involvement.
Correct article usage
apply
On the other hand
, the
several Correct article usage
apply
media
platforms enforced
Verb problem
force
public
to engage Correct article usage
the public
with
watching sports games and international Change preposition
in
tournements
, which could influence individuals to actively perform similar traits Correct your spelling
tournaments
while
watching and enjoying these performances. Moreover
, it sharply enable
users to follow similar trends by introducing various Change the verb form
enables
activities
in representing to public media
channels. There are incidents that increased
daily productions in massive broadcasting firms, even though people Wrong verb form
increase
not
being encouraged much with Add a missing verb
are not
such
programs. People tends
to follow some identical sportsman in each Change the verb form
tend
sport events
that we can see in the Fix the agreement mistake
sports event
media
channels rather than perform physical activities
to become good what
Change preposition
at what
you
are doing.
In Correct pronoun usage
they
conculsion
, I Correct your spelling
conclusion
highgly
agree that showing beforehand Correct your spelling
highly
of
the physical and mental exercises will be ideal for Change preposition
apply
person
to decide which approach should be followed and which is not. In my opinion, I recommended that Add an article
a person
government
and private sectors influence them to Correct article usage
the government
following
similar Change the verb form
follow
idealogy
to perform Correct your spelling
ideals
this
Correct determiner usage
these
media
shows time
to time Change preposition
from time
create
more Fix the infinitive
to create
enthusims
in Correct your spelling
enthusiasm
enthusiasms
the
society.Correct article usage
apply
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task response
To improve your score in task achievement, make sure to fully respond to all parts of the prompt. While your essay does present both perspectives and gives an opinion, the arguments can be more directly connected to the task prompt with relevant examples and a more conclusive stance.
coherence couhesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Make sure that each paragraph clearly supports the main argument, and consider using more transition words to link ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
coherence couhesion
Your essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, which provides a clear structure.
task response
You have addressed both perspectives in your essay and provided your opinion, which shows an understanding of the task requirements.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example