Adults do very less exercise these days. Some people think that showing sporting events on the television such as Olympics and international tournaments can be the best way to encourage adults to do exercise. Others believe there are other effective ways to do so. Discuss both views and state your opinion. Support with relevant examples.

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Introduction

In contemporary society, grown-up individuals perform few physical

activities

Use synonyms

in current days. Some

individual

Fix the agreement mistake

individuals

show examples

consider that presenting physical occasions on

the

Correct article usage

show examples

variety of

media

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

Olympics

Correct article usage

the Olympics

show examples

and international

tournamets

Correct your spelling

tournaments

can be the ideal approach to influence adults to perform

exercise

Add an article

the exercise

an exercise

show examples

This

Linking Words

essay will explore both

perspective

Change to a plural noun

perspectives

show examples

and provide my opinion on

this

Linking Words

matter.

Body · 1

On the one hand,

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apply

show examples

modern

Add an article

a modern

show examples

society

facing

Wrong verb form

faces

show examples

considerable hardship

while

Linking Words

performing physical activity during their normal life. There are several reasons behind

this

Linking Words

sedenatary

Correct your spelling

sedentary

lifestyle,

due to

Linking Words

the fact the several barriers

approched

Correct your spelling

approached

in terms of engaging

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in a

show examples

sport or daily exercise.

Although

Linking Words

multiple gadgets

being use

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being used

show examples

to mitigate time consumption of daily tasks,

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

prevents

Correct subject-verb agreement

prevent

show examples

from involving to take some actions that

were given

Wrong verb form

have

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dramatical effects

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show examples

personal well-being.

For instance

Linking Words

, gardening in your home

provide

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provides

show examples

multiple exercises which enable

person

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a person

the person

show examples

trimming

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trim

show examples

grass by using manual work and they

required

Wrong verb form

require

show examples

better

Correct article usage

a better

show examples

physical balance

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

life. At

persent

Correct your spelling

present

, there are several

machinery

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machineries

show examples

being used to perform those similar

activities

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until

few

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a few

show examples

decades ago, and

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

mitigate

activites

Correct your spelling

activities

usually huge reduction in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

personal involvement.

Body · 2

On the other hand

Linking Words

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

several

media

Use synonyms

platforms

enforced

Verb problem

force

show examples

public

Correct article usage

the public

show examples

to engage

with

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show examples

watching sports games and international

tournements

Correct your spelling

tournaments

, which could influence individuals to actively perform similar traits

while

Linking Words

watching and enjoying these performances.

Moreover

Linking Words

, it sharply

enable

Change the verb form

enables

show examples

users to follow similar trends by introducing various

activities

Use synonyms

in representing to public

media

Use synonyms

channels. There are incidents that

increased

Wrong verb form

increase

show examples

daily productions in massive broadcasting firms, even though people

not

Add a missing verb

are not

show examples

being encouraged much with

such

Linking Words

programs. People

tends

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tend

show examples

to follow some identical sportsman in each

sport events

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sports event

show examples

that we can see in the

media

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channels rather than perform physical

activities

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to become good

what

Change preposition

at what

show examples

you

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

are doing.

Conclusion

conculsion

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conclusion

, I

highgly

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highly

agree that showing beforehand

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apply

show examples

the physical and mental exercises will be ideal for

person

Add an article

a person

show examples

to decide which approach should be followed and which is not. In my opinion, I recommended that

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

and private sectors influence them to

following

Change the verb form

show examples

similar

idealogy

Correct your spelling

ideals

to perform

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

media

Use synonyms

shows

time

Change preposition

from time

show examples

to time

create

Fix the infinitive

to create

show examples

enthusims

Correct your spelling

enthusiasm

enthusiasms

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society.

keranda.sac

Oct 7, 2024

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task response

To improve your score in task achievement, make sure to fully respond to all parts of the prompt. While your essay does present both perspectives and gives an opinion, the arguments can be more directly connected to the task prompt with relevant examples and a more conclusive stance.

coherence couhesion

For coherence and cohesion, work on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Make sure that each paragraph clearly supports the main argument, and consider using more transition words to link ideas and paragraphs smoothly.

coherence couhesion

Your essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, which provides a clear structure.

task response

You have addressed both perspectives in your essay and provided your opinion, which shows an understanding of the task requirements.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
54
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

346 words

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