Adults do very less exercise these days. Some people think that showing sporting events on the television such as Olympics and international tournaments can be the best way to encourage adults to do exercise. Others believe there are other effective ways to do so. Discuss both views and state your opinion. Support with relevant examples.
In contemporary society, grown-up individuals perform few physical
activities
in current days. Some individuals consider that presenting physical occasions on a variety of media
such
as the Olympics and international tournaments can be the ideal approach to influence adults to perform the exercise
. This
essay will explore both perspectives and provide my opinion on this
matter.
On the one hand, a
modern society faces considerable hardship Remove the article
apply
while
performing physical activity during their normal life. There are several reasons behind this
sedentary lifestyle, due to
the fact the several barriers approached in terms of engaging in a sport or daily exercise
. Although
multiple gadgets being
used to mitigate time consumption of daily tasks, they prevent from involving to take some actions that have Add a missing verb
are being
dramatically
effects on personal well-being. Change the adverb
dramatic
For instance
, gardening in your home provides multiple exercises which enable a person to trim grass by using manual work and they require a better physical balance life. At present, there are several machineries
being used to perform those similar Change the wording
types of machinery
pieces of machinery
activities
until a few decades ago,
and mitigate Remove the comma
apply
activities
usually huge
reduction in personal involvement.
Add an article
a huge
On the other hand
, several media
platforms force the public to engage in watching sports games and international tournaments, which could influence individuals to actively perform similar traits while
watching and enjoying these performances. Moreover
, it sharply enables users to follow similar trends by introducing various activities
in representing to public media
channels. There are incidents that increase daily productions in massive broadcasting firms, even though people are not being encouraged much with such
programs. People tend to follow some identical sportsman in each sports event that we can see in the media
channels rather than perform physical activities
to become good at what they are doing.
In conclusion, I highly agree that showing beforehand the physical and mental exercises will be ideal for a person to decide which approach should be followed and which is not. In my opinion, I recommended that the government and private sectors influence them to follow similar idealogy
to perform these Correct your spelling
ideals
media
shows from time to time to create more enthusiasm in society.
Adults do very less
Replace the word
little
exercise
these days. Some people think that showing sporting events on the
television Correct article usage
apply
such
as Olympics
and international tournaments can be the best way to encourage adults to Correct article usage
the Olympics
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
exercise
.
Others believe there are other effective ways to do so.
Discuss both views and state your opinion. Support with relevant examples.Submitted by keranda.sac on
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, it's important to make sure paragraphs flow logically from one to the next. Use linking words and phrases to better connect ideas, such as 'in addition,' 'however,' or 'on the contrary.' This will help guide the reader through your arguments smoothly.
task achievement
Strengthen your task response by clearly and thoroughly explaining each point of view. Include more detailed explanations and examples for each argument, using specific instances that relate closely to the topic.
task achievement
Try to provide more relevant examples that directly support your arguments. For instance, use real-life examples of countries or instances where media programs have successfully increased physical activity among adults.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the discussion effectively.
task achievement
You make an effort to discuss both perspectives on the topic, which shows a balanced understanding of the question.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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