Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In recent years, the debate on how much competition should be part of

school

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is spreading worldwide. Of course, there are many arguments favouring the presence of it and against

this

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idea,

this

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essay will examine both points of view.

Firstly

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, looking into how the

school

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system works, it is obvious that competition has a central and big role in it, throught the grading system and the way of testing knowledge. Estabilishing the value of kids using only a number or a letter is, without a doubt, leading them to judge eachother only by that.

For instance

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, it is a widely spread habit of teachers to say out loud the grades of a assignment, leading students to insults and discriminations towards who did not very well.

Furthermore

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, tests only verify knowledge in the same way for every participants, preventing each personality to stand out for itself. The reason of

that is

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to be found in the existence of different types of intelligence,

such

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as the social or musical one, that are not tested in

this

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system.

On the other hand

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, creating challenges and difficulties to overcome will, of course, be a tool to inspire more young generations.

Moreover

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, the comparison

that is

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formed in a class leads to the inspiration of childrens to try their best to achieve higher goals, to always improve themselves.

For example

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, imagine being in a group project with someone who is far more involved in

school

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and knows the argument selected in a meticulous way,

this

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is the best opportunity for you to learn from him, becoming a better version of you with the goal to overtake that classmate.

In addition

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, the presence of student loans or prizes destinated to the person with the highest score achieved, makes pop out smart individuals, who study all day long to reach that result. In conclusion, I think that competition should be part of

school

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, obviously not in a predominant amount, because it prepares young kids to the challenges and obstacles they will find throught their life.

matilderestelli.workMon Oct 07 2024

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language

Avoid using expressions like "without a doubt," which can seem too strong and decrease objectivity. Instead, present evidence or reasoning to support your point.

task achievement

Specific examples can enhance your arguments. Providing examples of schools that have successfully balanced competition and mental well-being could strengthen your essay.

task achievement

The introduction sets the stage clearly for discussing both viewpoints, demonstrating an understanding of the task.

coherence cohesion

Each viewpoint is presented with clarity and logical flow, showing a good structure in the essay body.

coherence cohesion

The essay concludes effectively, summarizing the writer's opinion and linking it back to the main discussion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

339 words

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