People are surrounded by advertisement which has an increased effect on our lives. Do you think the positive effects of this outweigh the negative effects?
These days
people
are surrounded by advertisement
which has an increasing effect in
our lives. I personally believe that Change preposition
on
while
being surrounded by advertisement
initiates buying unnecessary Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
products
, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages because it it helps us to learn about new products
.
The biggest drawback of being surrounded by advertisement
is it allows us to purchase unnecessary Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
product
. When Fix the agreement mistake
products
people
see an advertisement
of a product
, they get attracted by its messages,
and presentation. Remove the comma
apply
Consequently
, they do not think carefully about whether they need this
product
or not. They immediately buy this
without a second thought. For example
, in Australia, people
get attracted by the colorful
presentation of advertisements of famous clothing brandsChange the spelling
colourful
,
and buy them. They do not consider whether they need Remove the comma
apply
this
clothes or not. Correct determiner usage
these
Therefore
, I believe that being surrounded by advertisement
is sometimes harmful.
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
Moreover
, the main advantage of being surrounded by advertisement
is it helps us to know about a new Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
product
. When a new product
comes to market, advertisement
is the best way to let customers know about it. An advertisement
describes the necessities and benefits of a product
, and people
can find their necessary products
seeing
an Change preposition
by seeing
advertisement
. For example
, in 2019, one famous Australian bekary
launched Correct your spelling
bakery
a healthy snacks
, and through their engaging Correct the article-noun agreement
a healthy snack
healthy snacks
advertisement
, they convinced the public about why it is healthy. Therefore
, I believe that advertisements are necessary to let the public know about the product
.
In conclusion, being surrounded by advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
let
Correct subject-verb agreement
lets
people
buy unnecessary products
. However
, advertisements are necessary because they let us know about new products
.Submitted by rahman_rehana on
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coherence cohesion
Enhance your logical progression. While the essay is generally logical, you may benefit from clearer transitions between points. Try using more linking words to guide the reader smoothly between ideas.
task achievement
Further support your main points with more specific examples. While some examples are included, more detailed or varied examples could strengthen your argument.
language
Avoid repetition and rephrase ideas. For example, instead of repeating 'being surrounded by advertisement' multiple times, find alternatives to improve readability.
coherence cohesion
You successfully introduce and conclude your argument, which provides a clear structure to your essay.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples, such as the Australian bakery, which illustrates your point well.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by acknowledging both positives and negatives of advertisements.