IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #competition #work #school #life
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It is sometimes agreeable that having a competition is beneficial to
work
Use synonyms
,
school
Use synonyms
, and even our daily lives.
However
Linking Words
, others believe that
cooperation
Use synonyms
 is a better alternative, which I totally agree that
working places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
 and schools should
equip
Wrong verb form
be equipped
show examples
 with. On the one hand, working or studying in a competitive environment may be a good thing.
While
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 it provides an intensive and severe atmosphere,
people
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 can boost their efficiency and improve their performance in order to receive accomplishment and win applause
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their supervisors or teachers.
Also
Linking Words
, competing against each other can stop someone from
lazy
Add a missing verb
having lazy
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 or inefficient attitudes, offering a working or educational place for
people
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 to
enhace
Correct your spelling
enhance
 their abilities and skills. In
this
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 way, having a competition brings
a positive outcomes
Correct the article-noun agreement
positive outcomes
a positive outcome
show examples
 in
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 and schools.
However
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, I believe that from a long-term perspective, a
cooperated
Replace the word
cooperative
show examples
 environment will lead to better achievements.
Firstly
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, with
cooperation
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, workers and students can gather their thoughts and advantages, contributing to innovative and well-organized plans
as well as
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 projects.
While
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 everyone has their own merits and demerits, by helping each other and receiving advice at
work
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 and
school
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,
people
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 can realize the part that they had neglected before.
In addition
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, if
people
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 always
work
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 and study in a competitive surrounding, large pressure may
avoid
Verb problem
prevent
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people
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to perform
Change preposition
from performing
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their
Change preposition
at their
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 best.
Therefore
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,
cooperation
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 is needed for the allocation of the
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
For example
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, when doing a proposal at
work
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 or
school
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, it is difficult to finish
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the job alone with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 limited amount of time.
Due to
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this
Linking Words
,
people
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 in groups to
work
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 together will reduce the stress and achieve the requirement on time. In conclusion, despite the positive outcomes
contribute
Wrong verb form
contributed
show examples
 by
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
competition at
work
Use synonyms
 or
school
Use synonyms
, it is better for workers and students having
Use synonyms
cooperation
Replace the word
cooperate
show examples
, showing the power of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
team coherence.
Submitted by lovesonya0227 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, case studies or specific scenarios where competition or cooperation led to success would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that all parts of your essay are equally developed. The second view you present might benefit from a bit more depth to balance the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence variety and reduce repetitive structures in your sentences to enhance readability and engagement.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are effectively presented, clearly encapsulating the main viewpoint and reemphasizing the writer’s perspective.
coherence cohesion
Logical transition between paragraphs helps in maintaining a smooth flow of ideas, showcasing structured thinking and a coherent approach.
task achievement
The essay effectively presents both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced perspective and a fair discussion of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
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