Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is sometimes agreeable that having a competition is beneficial to
work
, school
, and even our daily lives. However
, others believe that cooperation
is a better alternative, which I totally agree that working places
and schools should Correct your spelling
workplaces
equip
with.
On the one hand, working or studying in a competitive environment may be a good thing. Wrong verb form
be equipped
While
it provides an intensive and severe atmosphere, people
can boost their efficiency and improve their performance in order to receive accomplishment and win applause by
their supervisors or teachers. Change preposition
from
Also
, competing against each other can stop someone from lazy
or inefficient attitudes, offering a working or educational place for Add a missing verb
having lazy
people
to enhace
their abilities and skills. In Correct your spelling
enhance
this
way, having a competition brings a positive outcomes
in Correct the article-noun agreement
positive outcomes
a positive outcome
works
and schools.
Fix the agreement mistake
work
However
, I believe that from a long-term perspective, a cooperated
environment will lead to better achievements. Replace the word
cooperative
Firstly
, with cooperation
, workers and students can gather their thoughts and advantages, contributing to innovative and well-organized plans as well as
projects. While
everyone has their own merits and demerits, by helping each other and receiving advice at work
and school
, people
can realize the part that they had neglected before. In addition
, if people
always work
and study in a competitive surrounding, large pressure may avoid
Verb problem
prevent
people
to perform
Change preposition
from performing
their
best. Change preposition
at their
Therefore
, cooperation
is needed for the allocation of the works
. Fix the agreement mistake
work
For example
, when doing a proposal at work
or school
, it is difficult to finish all
the job alone with Correct determiner usage
apply
the
limited amount of time. Correct article usage
a
Due to
this
, people
in groups to work
together will reduce the stress and achieve the requirement on time.
In conclusion, despite the positive outcomes contribute
by Wrong verb form
contributed
a
competition at Correct article usage
apply
work
or school
, it is better for workers and students having cooperation
, showing the power of Replace the word
cooperate
a
team coherence.Correct article usage
apply
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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, case studies or specific scenarios where competition or cooperation led to success would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that all parts of your essay are equally developed. The second view you present might benefit from a bit more depth to balance the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence variety and reduce repetitive structures in your sentences to enhance readability and engagement.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are effectively presented, clearly encapsulating the main viewpoint and reemphasizing the writer’s perspective.
coherence cohesion
Logical transition between paragraphs helps in maintaining a smooth flow of ideas, showcasing structured thinking and a coherent approach.
task achievement
The essay effectively presents both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced perspective and a fair discussion of the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example